Tuesday, December 22, 2009

NBA Jam: A Retrospective-Eastern Conference Part 1

This blog entry began with a conversation with my good friend Ryan. I was trying to come up with a list of the greatest NBA sidekicks of all time, and Ryan said "Look at the NBA Jam roster." At the time this sounded like a real money idea, but rather than a list of great sidekicks I found a list of the most undeserving people to ever be featured in a video game. Sure, there were plenty of stars in the game but NBA Jam is still to this day the defining NBA arcade game, so some of these players I cannot help to laugh at. I will look at the top undeserving players (From the SNES/Genesis versions since that is what most of us remember).

Stacey Augmon: I put this name first because when I was an asshole little kid I got a Stacey Augmon card that was shiny and got excited. Why? Because he was a player in NBA Jam!! I didn't know any better then, and girl name went on to average 8 points a game for his career.

Dee Brown: From Wikipedia - "One of the highlights of his career occurred in 1991, when he won the NBA Slam Dunk Contest with a "no-look" slam dunk." I would like to nominate this as possibly understatement of the decade. Other career highlights include being a starter for 2 seasons and coaching 2 WNBA teams. While I am glossing over that point, I do indeed find it hilarious that he coached in the WNBA.

Brad Daugherty: Ok, Brad was pretty good. He averaged 19 points a game in his career. I only added him to the list because he looks like Scottie Pippen and Frankenstein had a child.

Derrick McKey: Ok, another guy who had an OK career, but in perspective he was drafted before Reggie Miller and then went on to become his sidekick.

Brad Lohaus and Blue Edwards: This is possibly my favorite video game tandem ever in any game. How is it possible at any given time for any franchise that guys named Brad and Blue would represent your team in a major video game? Brad Lohaus scored 3,854 career points, Blue Edwards 7,585, a combined total only slightly greater than Derrick McKey. "Blue" is never the name of a leading man. The only acceptable uses of the word "Blue" are the following: Side kick, Chess champion of the park that feeds the birds, and a dog.

Ok part 2 of the Eastern Conference is "coming soon".


Ryan said...

Dee Brown had his own sneaker (the omni pumps) so you add that to his career resume. Also on the guys who won dunk contests who were in the game - Harold "Baby Jordan" Miner on the Heat with Rony "The Spin Doctor" Seikaly.

theomegachrist said...

Haha you may or may not see them in Part 2.