Drunken Philosopher

New Blog address

2010-01-27T14:10:00.000-05:00

Drunken Philosopher has moved

Greatest website knock off of all time?

2010-01-26T16:01:00.001-05:00

http://infibeam.com/

I love it. Also check out the Kindle ripoff and the pictures of people enjoying using their Pi.

Public Access Christian Show prank

2010-01-26T14:31:00.000-05:00

Karate Kid

2010-01-26T12:25:00.002-05:00

Not sure how I feel about this. It is a ridiculous idea, but maybe it will not be that bad. I mean who really watches the original seriously anyway?

Ian Halperin on Jennifer Aniston

2010-01-26T09:13:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, Holywood author Ian Halperin called in to the "Opie and Anthony Show". Ian comes across as a giant jerk but at the end of the day he seems to always be right about things. During this call Opie told Ian that he has a theory that Jennifer Aniston cannot keep a man due to what I will call "smelly nether regions". This claim has long been a theory of Opie's, and according to Ian Helperin it is true. He claims it is a well known rumor in Hollywood that Jennifer is not exactly immaculately kept. In Ian's words, "Apparently Vince Vaughn ran for his life the second he went down on her". Well there you have it people.

1/22 Will forever be known as Gary Matthews Day

2010-01-22T14:20:00.003-05:00

Never forget this fellow Mets fans, our savior has arrived.

iPhone fans are weird

2010-01-15T08:22:00.002-05:00

Technology is really simple to me. I like the philosophy of Google, I don't like the philosophy of Apple, and I do not like the philosophy of Microsoft, but I rely on my Microsoft knowledge for my livelyhood so I will always side with Microsoft. Those are my biases, but I believe they are biases for good reason. Google is a company for the people bla bla bla, you know all that garbage.

What I do not again is how people are so loyal to Apple because of the iPhone. At the end of the day I like Google products because they are an innovative company that I like, but I know for every awesome Android phone that comes out, there will be another awesome iPhone or Windows mobile phone, or WebOS phone. That is the reality of technology!! Apple did not invent the touch screen, they did not invent the app, and they did not invent GPS. Sure, the iPhone is the first widely accepted smart phone, but what is so special about it??

Even tech blogs like Engadget ripped apart the Nexus One for no real apparent reason. Everyone is so loyal to their technology and it is bizarre to me. At the end of the day, companies are using the same set of available technologies and creating great new technology, so why do we become so enchanted with the technology we own? I guess it is to justify our purchases and initial allegiances. I hate to break it to you, but the Apple apps are no more special than the Android apps and vise versa. As a fan of Android, I would like to think that they will create an app that will lighten up the world, but that is probably not the case. I am ok with Google existing to keep Apple and other companies honest, and I wish everyone would see why that is really important.

Hilarious Call of Duty video

2010-01-12T09:38:00.002-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eJ6LSQ6xWcc

They will not let me embed it, but click, the guy is great.

NBA Jam - Western Conference

2010-01-11T10:33:00.003-05:00

Ok, finally my lazy ass is getting to the Western Conference. There are less pathetic examples but still a decent amount.

LaPhonso Ellis: I have no idea why he was in NBA Jam either. Poor Mutombo for having him as a teammate in the game. Also poor Mutombo for being a defensive specialist in an Arcade style basketball game. His defense did not transfer over well to NBA Jam to say the least.

Vernon Maxwell: 1995: In a game at Portland on February 6, he ran into the stands to punch a fan, later claiming the fan had heckled him over his wife's miscarriage. The NBA suspended him for 10 games and fined him $20,000.[4]

1997: Maxwell was ordered to pay a woman $592,000 for knowingly infecting her with herpes.[6]

Wayman Tisdale Ended an era when people could be named Wayman Tisdale.

Christian Laettner and Chuck Person: I feel bad including them because they were not that bad, but it just goes to show how long the Timberwolves have been incompetent. Kevin Garnett is a saint for putting up with a franchise that has always strived to be below average for their entire history. Christian Laettner does win the award for most successful white guy whose game did not translate over to the the NBA.

Detlef Schrempf: I could not find a video of Detlef talking in the 90's, but believe me it was hilarious. He has a better grasp of english now so those videos were disappointing. Also as a child I was obsessed with Detlef because of NBA Jam. There was something really cool about his foreigness and the fact he never missed 3's in the game. Him and Chris Mullin were my favorite players in the game. I could relate to their lack of athleticism and 3 point shooting ability.

That is all I have, the Western Conference sucked sorry to leave you in suspense for a week and a half for that shit.

Are the Bengals genius? Or are the Jets that good?

2010-01-06T09:34:00.002-05:00

Ok, just a quick thought. I was thinking about the 1st half of the Jets game yesterday, and it just doesn't make much sense to me. Of course the most obvious reason they lost so badly is because they really had nothing to gain by winning so they kind of subconsciously coasted, and the Jets defense is actually THAT good that it just was indeed THAT dominant.

But then I got thinking. Palmer threw for 0 yards and Ochocinco uncharacteristically dropped all passes thrown to him. After the game he did everything but toss Revis' salad. Brad Smith looked amazing and the offense torched the Bengals.

Does anyone think it is possible that the star Bengals players purposely played badly? I mean Revis is an amazing player who regulary shuts down great players. Wouldn't it be genius for Ochocinco to play possum and fake humbleness? Isn't it a bit peculiar that Carson Palmer completed 1 pass for 0 yards? I do believe the Jets D is really good, but maybe the Bengals had a plan all along. We will see I suppose. Either the Bengals are geniuses or they are going to get massacred.

NBA Jam: A Retrospective-Eastern Conference Part 2

2009-12-23T10:08:00.003-05:00

Rony Seikaly/Harold Miner: If you were a youngster during this era you would probably think that Rony Seikaly was the funnier of the two names here. However, Rony had a pretty ok career. He averaged 14 pts and 9 rebounds throughout his career, pretty ok but not video game star good. On top of that he married a swimsuit model and resembles an enemy from "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2". That let's him make my list based on ridiculousness alone. Harold Miner on the other hand was labeled "Baby Jordan" coming out of college. Based on his career numbers, this would only be an accurate nickname if the plot of "Like Mike" was based on the real story of Harold Miner. He was drafted 12th overall and averaged 9 points a game in a 4 season career. On a positive note, he did have the best dunks with no one guarding him.

Derrick Coleman: Coleman was a legit star so he only made the list because of his behavior issues. This is all from memory so I could be wrong, but I am pretty sure he had a sneaker deal, was featured in NBA Jam, and pushed as the Nets big star at the time. He was fat, lazy, and got into huge feuds with other stars. I remember him calling Karl Malone an "Uncle Tom" in the 90's during the peak of their feud. In Coleman's defense, Karl Malone is a really confusing public figure, I am not sure about Uncle Tom, but his life mirrors white trash more than it does a black guys problems. Besides his feuds Coleman was arrested several times for ridiculous issues. He urinated publicly, cursed cops out when they stopped him for an alcohol test, went to jail for traffic violations, and was in a terrible accident where he almost went to jail for drunk driving but got off due to a mistrial. Coleman was a real gem.

Scott Skiles/Jeff Hornacek: These guys weren't bad, but just boring white guys. I believe Scott Skiles still has the single game assists record, and Horncek played on the Utah Jazz where he was the second best white guy. At the end of the day they make the list cause they were boring white guys in an arcade basketball game.

Western Conference up next.

Update 11:01AM Derrick Coleman also went Bankrupt and now runs a sneaker store in Detroit.

NBA Jam: A Retrospective-Eastern Conference Part 1

2009-12-22T09:32:00.009-05:00

This blog entry began with a conversation with my good friend Ryan. I was trying to come up with a list of the greatest NBA sidekicks of all time, and Ryan said "Look at the NBA Jam roster." At the time this sounded like a real money idea, but rather than a list of great sidekicks I found a list of the most undeserving people to ever be featured in a video game. Sure, there were plenty of stars in the game but NBA Jam is still to this day the defining NBA arcade game, so some of these players I cannot help to laugh at. I will look at the top undeserving players (From the SNES/Genesis versions since that is what most of us remember).

Stacey Augmon: I put this name first because when I was an asshole little kid I got a Stacey Augmon card that was shiny and got excited. Why? Because he was a player in NBA Jam!! I didn't know any better then, and girl name went on to average 8 points a game for his career.

Dee Brown: From Wikipedia - "One of the highlights of his career occurred in 1991, when he won the NBA Slam Dunk Contest with a "no-look" slam dunk." I would like to nominate this as possibly understatement of the decade. Other career highlights include being a starter for 2 seasons and coaching 2 WNBA teams. While I am glossing over that point, I do indeed find it hilarious that he coached in the WNBA.

Brad Daugherty: Ok, Brad was pretty good. He averaged 19 points a game in his career. I only added him to the list because he looks like Scottie Pippen and Frankenstein had a child.

Derrick McKey: Ok, another guy who had an OK career, but in perspective he was drafted before Reggie Miller and then went on to become his sidekick.

Brad Lohaus and Blue Edwards: This is possibly my favorite video game tandem ever in any game. How is it possible at any given time for any franchise that guys named Brad and Blue would represent your team in a major video game? Brad Lohaus scored 3,854 career points, Blue Edwards 7,585, a combined total only slightly greater than Derrick McKey. "Blue" is never the name of a leading man. The only acceptable uses of the word "Blue" are the following: Side kick, Chess champion of the park that feeds the birds, and a dog.

Ok part 2 of the Eastern Conference is "coming soon".

Haven't blogged in like a week

2009-12-18T13:49:00.003-05:00

I am the worst. Sorry to the 3 people who read my blog.

Anyway, tip of the week. Download Chrome Beta, the extensions are pretty sweet. Google is taking over the world.

Also, Bret Hart has to be the man of the week. Wrestling is so sad now a days. That is all I have, I suck.

Random crap/Tiger Woods

2009-12-11T08:39:00.006-05:00

I haven't been blogging at all lately, because of laziness, that is the Kenny staple so here is a few tidbits.

Ok, this has been talked about from every angle, and I know this is not a fresh concept to write about, but how horrendous is Mindy Lawton? I believe Tiger's wife can probably deal with the sheer number, but if this woman isn't proof that Tiger had some type of sex addiction, I don't know what it is. Maybe she had some "tricks up her sleeve" that the others girls don't.

Today is fucking cold in New York, my hands felt like they were going to shatter. I am so sick of people referencing global warming every time there is a major weather shift. I mean I have never talked to anyone I can trust that actually knows anything about the weather. Everyone is an expert in everything because of second hand information. I don't want your medical advice because you read Web MD and I don't want your weather advice because you saw Al Gore do a powerpoint. Nothing is worse than a person who starts out a sentence "Actually..." and then spouts off something they read on the internet or saw in a movie.

Baseball is making me sick. As much as I love the Mets and want them to win, the Yankees trade for Curtis Granderson, and the Mets giant offer to Jason Bay make me sick. I just finished reading "The Jordan Rules" which Ryan let me borrow, and it made me pretty sentimental. It made me realize how basketball is the ultimate team game. Then all of these deals pop up and it just makes you realize how baseball is not at all a team game. Baseball is a sport where the sum of it's parts makes up how great a team is, and with a climate where a few teams have all the money, how could that ever be fair/interesting? I will still love going to games and supporting my team, but in the end it kind of makes me sick.

Quote of the day

2009-12-03T13:27:00.001-05:00

"I used to drink Hennessy ... at halftime," Artest says in the interview, which hits newsstands this week. "I [kept it] in my locker. I'd just walk to the liquor store and get it."

-Ron Artest

The Onion is the best

2009-12-03T12:59:00.001-05:00

Boy Finds Own Real-Life E.T.

Check it out

I can't stand Jay Cutler's

2009-11-13T16:21:00.001-05:00

Stupid diabetes face.

Why I cannot watch "Flash Forward"

2009-11-12T15:15:00.003-05:00

People are telling me this is a "great show" , and that I would love it because I love "Lost". But to me, I almost don't want to watch this out of principle. Sure it can be great, but it is called "Flash Forward". It is like the execs got together and said, "Hey, people are dumb and love 'Lost' and they Flash Forward in that so let's create a show called 'Flash Forward' and they will watch it!"

It would be like flashing back to when "Knight Rider" went off the air, and they said, "Hey, let's create a new show called 'Talking Car' to replace Knight Rider."

So in conclusion, I am boycotting this show until it gets to season 4, if it doesn't get there, then I was right.

Random thoughts..

2009-11-11T10:12:00.003-05:00

Haven't blogged for awhile so here is a few random things on my mind

-Recently Sharon Osbourne got into some controversy by saying Susan Boyle looks like a smacked ass on the "Opie and Anthony Show" on Sirius XM Radio. Who cares? Why can't we acknowledge that Susan Boyle is famous because she is ugly? Sure she can sing ok, but there are tons of people like her that are not famous. Her gimmick is being ugly, and she went on a show in hopes to be famous. I hate this countries fake outrage at things.

-Sammy Sosa is now a white man. Google it, they are great pictures.

-People walked out of Carnegie Hall on Tracy Morgan for making obscene jokes. How do people pay for a comedy show to see Tracy Morgan and not know what he does on a stage? He is one of the most offensive comedians of all time. Ugh. Love this blurb from dlisted.com:

According to Gatecrasher, people started fleeing the theater only a few minutes into Tracy's show. Many middle-aged women ran home to fuck their ears with holy water-laced bars of soap after Tracy began making jokes about porn, drugs and gays. When Tracy joked that Obama and Michelle will have the first presidential sex tape out, some of the audience members gasped.

-I hate Yankees fans calling the Yankees the World Champions. Who did they play outside of America? Do the Toronto Blue Jays constitute the rest of the world? I'd like to see them play the Japanese champion. Matsui would be so confused.

-The iPhone has 100,000 apps. Congrats to him, that is what is important, the sheer number of applications on a device.

-NFL prediction: I think by the end of December the Titans will not be out of the playoff picture.

Who is buying this?

2009-10-30T10:53:00.004-04:00

Who the hell are the people buying Oven Baked Sandwiches from Dominos? It isn't like sandwiches are expensive. This is not a good deal, and I am pretty sure they are disgusting. At best they are average so I believe Dominos is misleading their customers by calling them "Oven Baked Treats."

Even the worlds best sandwich I would not classify as a treat. Treats are things like candy and blowj's, sandwiches are food. I guess they can't say "No Tricks, Just Mediocre Sandwiches."

Suck it Ryan

2009-10-27T08:02:00.002-04:00

It must have been sweeps week in Fantasy Football because Fantasy Titans, "The Batemans", and "The David Bowies" had a double header.

In the league that does not matter my team was victorious 103-95. In the XFL my team was victorious 113.5-78.

That leaves me in first place all by myself in the XFL, and trailing Ryan by half a game in ESPN league. Apparently I tied somehow in that league and was not aware.

Batemans were carried collectively by Desean Jackson, Carson Palmer, Donovan Mcnabb, Hakeem Nicks, and Andre Johnson. Johnson was spitting up blood and they had to hide his helmet because of his obsession to help the Batemans cause.

Anyway, suck it Ryan.

Amazingly bad movie

2009-10-12T16:21:00.002-04:00

If you are into awful movies that are funny because they are awful check out "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fa7ck5mcd1o&feature=player_embedded

Drunken Philosopher's Man of the Year Award

2009-10-12T13:34:00.009-04:00

Good afternoon readers,

I have been pestered with tons of mail lately for two things. My top 50 list of 2009, and my annual man of the year award. Well folks, the top 50 list will have to wait since it is so difficult to beat last years list, but your wait for man of the year is in!!

After days of countless vote counting and emailing reading I have come to a conclusion. Drew Brees is our man, and my reasons are below:

Drew Brees is a snappy dresser

Drew Brees is often referred to as a "man about town", and for good reason! With Brees' versatile wardrobe, he can fit in anywhere. Brees often plays it casual with your standard polo and khakis, but he is known for his "Period ensembles" last seen on Monday Night Football wearing a retro Post Civil War outfit. Word around town is he was also sporting a pocket time piece for the ladies' eyes only.

Drew Brees is a sex symbol

As pictured above the playful Drew Brees fancies himself a little bit of a sex symbol while also remaining completely approachable and down to earth. He didn't pick the playboy lifestyle, the playboy lifestyle picked him. Brees can often be seen "kickin it with the ladies" with sidekick Reggie Bush in the New Orleans club scene. Bush has stated in the past that he is extremely grateful to have a wing man like Brees, but caution ladies, it's just for sport, he is a married man.

Drew Brees Family man

I believe you never know a man until you see him around the people he loves. As pictured above, Drew Brees is a family man before everything else. His family often refers to his great sense of humor (The ladder was his idea!), his work on charities, and his allergies to dairy, wheat, gluten, and eggs. Brees who finds it hard to stay away from gluten showed off his razor sharp wit by telling Drunkenphilosopher, "Hey I guess I am a gluten for punishment." We all had a chuckle. He is also a repeat patron of family food chain "Chili's Bar and Grill" and recently inked an endorsement with the popular chain.

A Man with Great Work Ethic

Drew Brees is lastly probably best known for his work ethic. He can be found often challenging teammates to push up contests and is best known for his relentless cardio ability. Brees may not be the most athletic guys around, but he makes up for it by pumping iron and running laps. He often refers to sidekick Reggie Bush as fatty. Reggie quoted Drew a few months ago as saying, "Why don't you two fatties come over and work out with me and the wife" referring to then girlfriend Kim Kardashian and Reggie himself. Bush smiled at that and said, "That is the Drew we love."

Drew Brees, man of the year.

Amazing technology, even more amazing infomerical

2009-10-06T14:14:00.001-04:00

Hi Daddy

2009-10-05T10:09:00.000-04:00

Starting QB for the Titans?

Made Ine America: A piece of shit movie

2009-10-04T01:41:00.003-04:00

I just got finished watching " Crips and Bloods: Made in America". I am pretty tired, but let me just say, what an over the top liberal shit fest.

Even if I agreed with the movie, it would have stunk. The entire movie was an excuse for white people to tell other white people they are wrong, and talk about black people like they are incapable of their own thoughts.

I agree that gangs are a cultural problem, but the people in this movie were so annoying. I can not even express how much this movie annoyed me. Bla. Going to bed.

How I wish I lived in the 80's

2009-09-25T21:35:00.000-04:00

A time where the ridiculous begged to be taken seriously

NFL Week 2 thoughts (Bateman's Fantasy Edition)

2009-09-21T13:20:00.002-04:00

For now on I am only going to write about my XFL league because that is really the only Fantasy League I care about and my ESPN team seems like a bust at this point.

Here are my ups and downs for week 2 Fantasy wise, followed by a few NFL tidbits.

Ups:

-Andre Johnson was back in week 2 and now I remember why he is a constant presence on my fantasy teams. Johnson is an amazing fantasy player that seems to catch anything.

-DeSean Jackson strikes again. The only thing I worry about with Jackson is that he is a Home Run threat, but so far not much else. As long as he continues to deliver TDs he is a great fantasy pick.

-Brent Celek had a nice receiving game. I think he should be a big target in the Eagles offense, and he was the TE I wanted the most in pre-season.

-Lee Evans started to look like the Lee Evans I expect to see playing every week. I think as the season progresses, TO should allow Evans to score a lot easier than he did in the past. Logic says he should be a fantasy monster, especially if that line holds up.

-Ray Rice gets a lot of touches. He is also a better receiver than McGahee is, and McGahee has been a pretty strong receiver in his career.

-Detroit is running their offense through Kevin Smith.

-Carson Palmer looked like the gunslinger of past seasons Sunday.

Downs:

-I did not start DeSean Jackson or Carson Palmer (I still won though).

-Neither Ray Rice nor Kevin Smith look like they will score many TD's.

-Giants defense is giving up a lot of points, and made Marion Barber look like a real superstar.

Ok, so my players aside I would like to talk about NY football.

The Jets defense looked absolutely amazing, and the Pats offensive line looked terrible. Hopefully this means a division title for the Jets. It is early still, but Mark Sanchez looks like a veteran and the Jets are having some fun. As much as I love to hate my friends' teams, for some reason I cannot hate the Jets. They feel like the Giants little brother or something, and they are an exciting team.

Giants defense looked pretty horrendous, but the offense is making up for it by being way better than you'd imagine. Eli looks like a top 5 QB the first 2 weeks, and the receivers are starting to seem like an upgrade from Plaxico. What a great sight to see, Eli looking calm and in synch with his receivers.

Mario Manningham looks like a Superstar, and Steve Smith is as reliable as you can get. The running attack was stifled a little yesterday, but I am not worried about them. If the defense comes around I think the Giants could make a nice run. I believe it is possibly a good year for New York football.

This is old but it is some of the greatest audio I have ever heard

2009-09-21T11:16:00.001-04:00

Jessica Simpson Wants Dog back from Coyote

2009-09-17T08:22:00.002-04:00

I know I am late on this, but this is an amazing story. Even without her silly posters asking if you seen her dog, the fact a coyote came right in front of her and stole the dog is amazing enough.

I mean I have seen pitbulls walk up to small dogs and bite the shit out of them, I can't believe that a coyote stole her dog and it was in a state where she felt it was possibly still alive.

Then after all of that, she makes a sign asking if you have seen her dog. Well I haven't, but I am pretty sure it is dead Jessica. If you wanted the dog so bad you would have punched the dog in the face like I am sure Pink would have (Yes, Pink is alive, more on that later if I feel like it) because she is a tough broad!

You Dropped Something

2009-09-16T09:53:00.000-04:00

This is really terrible but LOL what a backfire

2009-09-15T14:07:00.000-04:00

NFL Week 1 thoughts (Bateman's Fantasy Edition)

2009-09-15T08:49:00.004-04:00

After dropping to 0-1 in both of my leagues I am a little annoyed but still confident.

Let downs:

Carson Palmer - BoOoOoOooo, I took Palmer in the middle rounds of my fantasy draft thinking he would be a real steal since he is finally healthy. Through week 1 I was really wrong, and last I checked the Denver defense wasn't AMAZING, so it QB1 could be a rough spot for the Bateman's fantasy Dynasty.

Andre Johnson - What up dawg?!? He is probably the most constant variable on my fantasy teams every year, but he didn't get it done in week 1.

Lee Evans: It is not a good sign that the Bills almost beat the Patriots and TO and Evans combine for less catches than Steve Smith of NY Giants fame.

D$Mania: Trying to get the nickname Hunky QB to stick when no one wants to go with it.

LT: I expected the old LT. He looked fine, but not the man I remember a few years ago.

Thumbs up:

Ray Rice: Pretty good week 1 besides not scoring any TD's. New LT being born?

Desean Jackson: He did what I expected him to . Make plays. However he is not going to run a kick back every week so he better start catching some more balls.

Ahmad Bradshaw: He is way better than Derrick Ward. He comes in and the offense doesn't lose much of its power, Ward ran much softer. Great fantasy bench player.

Kevin Smith: About what I expected.

Only in America

2009-09-14T16:22:00.002-04:00

Would adults be up in arms about the treatment of a 17 year old pop hack. Listen, Kanye is a dick, everyone knows Kanye is a dick, but he is a pretty entertaining dick.

You know what everyone is talking about today? Kanye West.

I love Kanye though, because unlike most people I take pop culture for what it is, a ridiculous cluster fuck that begs to not be taken seriously.

It is beyond me how anyone could give two shits about Taylor Swift. I mean I get it, you think I wouldn't want that happening to me or someone I love, etc. But seriously, she is probably really rich, and she doesn't do anything extraordinary. She writes hack pop songs and watches the money come in.

If anything Kanye's biggest sin is that he took the dumb VMA awards seriously enough to argue against an award that had nothing to do with him.

Why is there even a VMA awards? What is this 2002? When was the last time you watched a music video? COME ON. What happened in the world where we need to take Beyonce Knowles seriously?!?

Everyone on Facebook was like, Beyonce did a great thing!

Oh really. I did not see it, but I am pretty sure she did not do anything that should go under the blanket of great yesterday. Oh wow how great, she defended another awful pop star!!!

Our country is sinking and this is what people are worried about. UGH.

You know what makes good news, unstable people. Thanks Kanye and Lady Gaga for making entertainment unboring.

The internet is invaded by people who suck

2009-09-14T16:05:00.001-04:00

Notice the 5 Star rating

Scottie Pippen Osama Bin Laden

2009-09-14T10:25:00.006-04:00

I like to play "celebrity look alike" with my friends, and usually it is just picking people out of a bar that looks like a celeb. However, Jim Jeffries raised the bar with his line "I am tired of Osama Bin Laden looking like Scottie Pippen" line on the "Opie and Anthony" radio show. Pretty uncanny/hilarious. I look to some day beat this comparison.

Amazing article courtesy of Dikran

2009-09-10T11:51:00.001-04:00

<3 Mark Whiker for being a giant dick in a climate of censorship and thought police

America's Got Talent Update Part 2

2009-09-09T10:55:00.002-04:00

This guy is legitimately amazing so I figured I should point that out.

Also they are really talented, but they just sing so that is boring.

America's Got Talent Update

2009-09-09T10:16:00.003-04:00

Ok, so I just want to rant about how much I hate Barbara Padilla. Everyone likes this fraudulent bitch that gets on TV and makes her fake "I am so touched face." Dry up your crocodile tears you fraud. Am I supposed to buy the story that some Mexican immigrant just happens to be good at Opera singing? No way, I guarantee she is some fake rich bitch who has hundreds of hours of lessons under her belt.

I admit that though I know nothing about opera singing, she is probably really great. I mean she sounds like she would be great in that world, but Opera Singers are pretty fucking boring. It is really tough to be a physicist but I wouldn't want to watch someone do that on tv either.

One act I loved that no one did was the Footwork Kingz. I mean they danced to the Power Rangers theme and are ghetto, what is not to like? HOW DO YOU NOT LOVE THAT?!?!?

Lastly, my favorite from this side of the semi finals remains Jeffrey Ou who is just hilarious in like 10 different ways. He is what they call "a real character." He fucked up a bunch of times but is so hilarious that he keeps getting voted back. He is one of the most amazing people ever. I want him to win the whole thing on a joke.

<3 Crazy Athletes

2009-09-03T11:44:00.001-04:00

VIA Metsblog on Mike Pelfrey

Pelfrey left the mound, Lennon explains, and:

“He stormed into the clubhouse, where he switched his uniform for running gear, and then left the stadium… Once he found himself standing in the middle of the parking lot, Pelfrey began running laps, each about 13 blocks long, as his teammates struggled through the late innings of an 8-3 loss to Colorado."

RIP Acrodunk

2009-09-03T10:12:00.002-04:00

Acrodunk Monday

So the most talented act IMO is now eliminated from America's Got Talent in favor of a troop of dancing sisters. America is dumb, but Kevin Skinner is still in so everyone should vote for him. This is your Wednesday trash TV update.

Coming soon:

Dancing with the Stars

Ultimate Fighter Heavyweights

Biggest Loser (still not sure if I am going to watch this, I never have, but the giant fat woman this year is enticing)

How is this any less concerning than the Patriot Act?

2009-09-02T14:23:00.002-04:00

Emergency Internet Control

I know it is the Senate and not Obama that is trying to pass this, but ethically how is this different than "The Patriot Act"?

What is a cyber emergency?

Who is qualified to declare a cyber emergency?

Is this in direct relation to the town hall meetings the Obama administration is upset about?

I know everyone thinks Barack Obama is perfect, but how is it that this is barely a news story?

Why didn't Hitler have a handle bar mustache?

2009-09-02T11:06:00.004-04:00

I believe I have written about this before, but as far as I know the "Hitler mustache" is the only retired facial hair style ever. It really sucks though, because it is a pretty sweet look. I mean check out Charlie Chaplin. Let's be serious.

Why couldn't Hitler have a handlebar mustache?

There is no way you can take a person serious that has a handle bar mustache, but people still wear it.

Kevin Skinner

2009-09-02T11:01:00.000-04:00

You have to love this guy

CLICK HERE FOR HILARIOUS/SAD/GREAT PERSON

So the Jets beat the Giants

2009-08-31T10:09:00.002-04:00

And since I am a dickhead Giants fan I want to point out a few things.

Actually I think it is a fair assessment. Clearly the Giants have major receiving problems but a star was born in Saturday's loss so hopefully that takes care of the fact none of the other receivers can catch footballs.

Here are my Pro's and Con's for both teams from Saturday's game:

Jets Pro's:

Sanchez looked pretty good after the 1st Quarter.

Leon Washington is what Reggie Bush was supposed to be if he did not suck.

Jets Receivers looked deeper and better than people give them credit for.

Sanchez had all day to throw.

Giants Pros:

Brandon Jacobs and Ahmad Bradshaw are both beasts.

Eli Manning had all day to throw.

Steve Smith was torching the secondary and then dropping passes, but he is known for his hands. This will not continue.

Hakeem Nicks is a star.

Jets Cons:

Sanchez looked completely lost in the first quarter against a secondary that was already suspect and missing it's most talented CB with an injury.

Sanchez was completing passes by being elusive and finding open people, but they were open the whole time. He needs to make better reads to win against good secondaries.

Thomas Jones sucked and the Jets line was amazing.

The Jets secondary was getting torched the entire game.

Lito Sheppard is horrendous. He has always been, do not be fooled by his Pro Bowl appearances.

Vernon Gholston is really soft.

Giants Cons:

They really need Antonio Pierce. BAD.

Pass rush couldn't get passed the Jets line.

DROPPED PASSES ARE UNACCEPTABLE.

Aaron Ross is hurt, and clearly they need him if a rookie QB torches them.

Hakeem Nicks needs more time with the 1st team. he is a star.

All in all Jets fans, Sanchez is progressing pretty well for a Rookie. However, their WR were predictably unimpressive, and he needs to make more reads. Also they need to get Leon Washington the ball, he is a star. I think things are looking up for both teams, and depending on the competition I think it is possible we could see both NY teams in the playoffs this year.

Why Football is the best sport in America

2009-08-25T09:22:00.003-04:00

Football is only a few weeks away and like every year I am pumped. With Football's annual dominance in sports ratings upon us, it got me thinking. Why is football so great?

Well I would say while Basketball is very popular, the only passionate argument against Football being America's greatest sport would come from Baseball fans. Baseball is America's past time, and that is exactly why Football is a better sport.

You would never consider Football a past time, but you might call Dominos and Checkers a past time. Granted baseball has dedicated hardcore fans (I go to more baseball games than anything so I think I fit the bill) but nothing is better than two teams going to war on a Sunday after noon. We sit with our beers screaming at the top of our lungs and fighting with anyone who talks bad about your team (You can Ask Mike Wilson about that). Nothing beats Football.

I find myself as a baseball fan more excited about trade deadlines and off season moves than the games themselves. I appreciate the subtle moves a manager makes and the chess game that occurs in baseball as much as the next guy, but don't let anyone convince you that Football isn't a thinking game. Every play is a setup for the next play in football. All of the players on the field at one time are a chess piece in a violent game. Players are putting their bodies on the line just to have more points than the other team.

Football has the greatest athletes and the smartest coaching. They play once a week because their bodies couldn't handle any more. Football is not an American past time, it is an American passion. I cannot wait :)

Get with the times person with regular flip phone

2009-08-21T09:40:00.002-04:00

Ok, this is probably a boring blog topic but lately I have had nothing to write about/been lazy and I saw someone on the train this morning with a shell flip phone and it felt like I was looking at an ancient artifact.

Isn't it kind of scary how quickly phone technology has transitioned to smart phones? In a matter of like 2 years smart phones have become so popular that I look at these people like they are using laser disc or something when I see them.

However I do mourn the death of Ryan's sexy pink Razr.

That is all I have right now, just a lame random thought. Maybe I will update again this weekend some time.

Google Opt Out

2009-08-11T14:38:00.001-04:00

Google Opt Out Feature Lets Users Protect Privacy By Moving To Remote Village

Karina Jimenez

2009-08-11T09:35:00.003-04:00

Can you please leave Gladiel alone. His girl is angry, he is not your therapist and if you need a consuler (her spelling not mine, though Brian will let you know I am not the best speller)fine one.

These are the emails I receive almost daily, because some moron has taken more than 2 years to realize that kjimenez@gmail.com is not her email.

In the past 6 months I have received at least 10 requests to reset my password, I have received hotel reservation confirmations, I have received flight reservation confirmations, and countless personal emails many of which written in Spanish.

2 Years ago I thought this was a reasonable mistake. I figured that Karina must have registered a similar email with Google. It happens, and I waited for the emails to stop coming in. They never did.

I really wonder just how dumb Karina is. Who can't access their email for 2 years and still fills out forms with it. I hope you read this Karina Jimenez. You are a real dummy.

Edit: Her name may actually be Katherine Jimenez. I see both on various emails. Unless it is two different people who are wrong. In that case it would be mind blowing.

Annoying Activist Rant

2009-08-07T10:51:00.002-04:00

I have barely blogged lately due to a busy schedule, but I was so irritated at lunch yesterday that I thought this would be necessary to stay sane. I've ranted about a lot of things in the past, but NOTHING is more irritating than people trying to get you to donate money to their dumb causes on the streets of New York City.

I am not sure if these stupid college liberals roam the streets in other cities as well, but at least 2 or 3 times a month I get stopped by some dumb well to do white person asking me to donate $20 a month to save trees or animals.

I would be less irritated if there were people openly trying to rob me on the street twice a month. How is this even legal?? Who wants to be stopped on the street and guilted in trying to donate your hard earned money. That is blatant harassment and soliciting. If I wanted to just openly peddle things on the street I would be arrested, so why are these people different.

I cannot even fathom the mindset of these people. They are usually college age, and usually white people. What a shocker. How nice it must be to be so well off as a college student, that you actually think it is reasonable that people would donated $20 a month to some fund with which we have no idea what they are doing with our money. It must be nice to be so out of touch with the value of money where you do not have to worry like most college students.

A couple of months ago, one of these douche bags walked up to me and said "Global Warming is a serious issue, can I talk to you for a minute?" I then proceeded to ask them why Global Warming was a serious issue, and they couldn't even recite the dumb facts on that stupid Powerpoint we all saw Al Gore read. They just were like, it is killing the environment man, and other cliches that are supposed to get me "really thinking."

Fuck your stupid causes, and leave alone the people trying to get from point A to point B. Your lives aren't important, you aren't doing anything important, and you know nothing about Global Warming. Maybe they should walk around with a scientist and I will take them more seriously. Anyway that is all I have for now. Lemon out.

<3 The Onion

2009-07-31T19:21:00.001-04:00

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/lance_armstrong_inspires_thousands?utm_source=a-section

Obama is not drinking American Beer tonight

2009-07-30T15:12:00.003-04:00

That is actually what they discussed for 15 minutes on CNBC just now. Wow.

I guess I am old fashioned

2009-07-29T11:24:00.003-04:00

But I like my heroes to be of the two testicled variety. Hit the bricks Lance Armstrong.

I was arguing about this with my brother the other day. Is their a scientific reason why it is tougher to ride with one testicle or is the story that he beat Cancer? My brother says that he produces less testosterone with one testicle, but I don't think that is true? I was fine with Lance Armstrong in the beginning, but now every time he races it is a story. Why?

My brother was like, "He hasn't even competed in 2 years and he is in third." Any other athlete they would say he lost because he was lazy. I am tired of all the dumb bracelets and crazy praise. The dude rides a bike. Below is a picture of a real hero who wouldn't know a thing about riding a bicycle because he plays real sports and isn't trying to be the best at exercising.

Why Bruno stunk

2009-07-24T09:07:00.002-04:00

Ok so Bruno was not the worst movie I have ever seen, in fact it was pretty funny at times. The movie stunk though because comedy needs a hero. The movies today that I find generally funny follow a trend of being predictable and corny. Long gone are the days of original edgy comedy, and Sacha Baron Cohen was always that.

The "Ali G Show" was exactly what I love about comedy. Edgy, spontaneous and original. Bruno was the complete opposite of that. Everything felt stale and staged. Though they will probably claim it wasn't staged forever, I don't buy it. I think besides a couple of scenes, everyone was in on the joke and that is lame to me.

Bruno felt like a parody of the "Ali G Show" and I don't recommend seeing it.

Wow Apple

2009-07-16T08:26:00.001-04:00

WOW

It is beyond me why people act like Apple is the good guy.

America's Got Talent

2009-07-14T08:46:00.001-04:00

I never saw this show until yesterday, but Acrodunk got me hooked.

Mafia Wars = Lack of Creativity

2009-07-13T13:53:00.001-04:00

Why is everyone's name on Mafia Wars "Don _______"?? What is it about Mob Life that robs everyone of any creativity?

you know what is irritating?

2009-07-10T14:38:00.002-04:00

When people on bicycles think they are part of legit traffic. They ride down the street here in New York and act like I am not supposed to walk near them. You aren't as legit as cars get over yourself. That's all I got right now.

Fight Night DLC caters to people who suck

2009-07-08T10:59:00.002-04:00

In one of the more irritating game announcements I have heard in awhile EA is putting out an update to "Fight Night Round 4" that allows people who have no motor skills a better shot at winning. In Round 3, EA gave players the option of using button controls to throw punches rather than the analog stick.

The analog controls, in my opinion, are the best emulation of real life fighting without actually throwing punches. However, using the face buttons is so much quicker that it is almost impossible to use the analog stick against people online who are using the face buttons.

EA did the right thing. They believed in their total stick control, so they left the face buttons out. Today though, the announcement came out that they are officially adding in face controls in their next update.

How lame, they spent all this time coming out with the new stick control, and because of a little bitching they made it totally obsolete. Boo EA! Have some balls.

Steve McNair or Karl Malone?

2009-07-07T10:32:00.004-04:00

The debate came up yesterday between Ryan (http://orangeapplebanana.blogspot.com) and myself. Who had the more fucked up and shocking secret life?

I am going with Karl Malone because of a few reasons. Here is my case:

* Karl Malone will always be associated with John Stockton who if I remember correctly is a non intimidating white guy. John Stockton looks like a Suburban Gym teacher. This adds to the shock value.

* Karl Malone played in Utah and didn't stand out as a bad guy. Also adding to the shock value.

* Karl Malone had sex with a 13 year old girl when he was in college.

* She got pregnant.

* She kept the baby.

* Karl Malone is a millionare.

* He didn't pay child support.

* The kid made the NFL.

* He still won't acknowledge him, and told him "It's too late for me to be a father."

* He did the same thing with a set of twins.

* One of the girls made the WNBA.

* He now has a relationship with them and is on billboards for the WNBA.

Michael Jackson dead

2009-06-25T18:10:00.000-04:00

I am on my blackberry writing this. That is the word on the train. This is the first celebrity death that would actually make me sad. Michael Jackson was bigger than life in his prime. He transcended everything, and I would never usually say this about anyone. I will go back to being a dick tomorrow.

Dick Nixon

2009-06-25T16:04:00.001-04:00

Sometimes the real news is more ridiculous than the Onion.

Another Onion link...

2009-06-24T16:25:00.000-04:00

Unbelievable

Next Great GM

2009-06-24T16:18:00.000-04:00

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/yankees_sign_16_year_old_gm

Why is Facebook asking me if I want to be a supporter of Michelle Obama?

2009-06-23T08:48:00.002-04:00

What exactly am I supporting her in doing? Having sex with the President. I never understood the idea of viewing First Lady as some type of accomplishment. I mean is it an honor to be worthy of marrying the President? I guess so, but we could have has a female President if the cards fell right. Now that would be an accomplishment. What do you think Hilary Clinton's bigger accomplishment is, first lady or Senator?

Also, I am tired of pretending Michelle Obama is hot. I was reading some top 100 list the other day that had her listed as hotter than girls who are actually legitimately hot. I get it, she is fairly young and married to the President so she is hot. That's great, but let's be serious.

OH SONY

2009-06-19T14:21:00.001-04:00

LOL

My favorite literal music video

2009-06-17T14:34:00.000-04:00

Thoughts in the David Letterman fiasco

2009-06-17T12:44:00.003-04:00

As usual, I am not against anyone for making any jokes. All David Letterman is guilty of is being a funny guy, and I don't get where people come off judging comedy within a serious context. Letterman is paid to make people laugh, and he did just that.

However, what I find to be hypocritical is that the same people who jumped all over Don Imus for his remarks are now defending Letterman. I guess it is ok for liberals to offend conservatives, but not the other way around. Interesting.

As far as I am concerned, everyone should shut up and enjoy the jokes. Your moral values mean nothing, and anyone who has an opinion of morality in entertainment does not have a worthwhile opinion in their dumb heads as far as I'm concerned.

CIC Credit Checking

2009-06-17T11:23:00.002-04:00

Ok, so I finally paid off my credit card after 2 years, and I realized lost in the shuffle that I have been paying $11 a month to CIC Credit Checking company which is a part of Experian.

What a fucking piece of shit company. When you do a free Credit check with Experian, in the fine print it tells you that you have to call them within 30 days or they will charge your account monthly. I looked online, and apparently a lot of people are reporting that even after you cancel they pretend to cancel the account and never do. Moreover, the stupid bitch on the phone tried to get me to stay with the service when they tricked me 2 years ago. UGH.

Cheryl Miller

2009-06-15T15:03:00.002-04:00

Last night during the final game of the NBA Finals, I got to thinking. Why is Charles Barkley allowed to speak on television?

In a way it is a testament to how great of a character Barkley is. We have all heard the stories of gambling, and hilarious womanizing, and I think that intrigues and captivates the viewing audience. Fair enough, Sir Charles gets a pass. We may have no idea what on earth he is saying, but he is an NBA great, and a par of pop culture.

Then Cheryl Miller talked, and I said ok, Sir Charles get a pass, but what is Cheryl doing on television? I get that she is an all time great, but COME ON. She has a voice that is so manly, it not only embarrasses Cheryl, but it has to embarrass Reggie Miller too.

She not only has better inside game than her brother, but she also has a more manly voice and bigger muscles. Poor Reggie. And UGH to Cheryl.

<3 The Onion

2009-06-11T11:14:00.000-04:00

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/but_if_we_started_dating_it?utm_source=b-section

These are delicious

2009-06-10T16:14:00.000-04:00

Just thought I'd share

Coming soon

2009-06-10T08:33:00.002-04:00

Hey you know all the stuff you are used to having on your computer and on every other smart phone? It is coming to the iPhone soon! Isn't it bizarre that the iPhone and iPod Touch have all these advanced features but not Copy and Paste? How does the iPhone not have MMS? And why is this update going to cost $10 for iPod Touch users? UGH. Palm Pre!!!

The Wire

2009-06-08T23:56:00.003-04:00

I have one more episode of "The Wire" left, and my God what a great show! "Oz" was always my favorite show, but I believe this may be even better. This is the first time in years that a show has made me tear. If you have not seen "The Wire" you are crazy. One million times better than "The Sopranos."

Hakeem vs. Shaq on PPV

2009-06-08T19:27:00.002-04:00

Does anyone remember this? It was the Taco Bell one on one championship. I think Shaq backed out last minute, but who thought that was a good idea! Like on paper it might sound ok, but it would be people sitting in front of a tv watching two giant men play 1 on 1 basketball. That would have been the biggest bust ever. I remember so much random shit about Shaq, and this is one of the funniest.

Apparently this is old audio

2009-06-08T13:12:00.002-04:00

But I just heard this on Opie and Anthony the other day. Best ridiculous rant ever.

BING

2009-06-08T09:21:00.002-04:00

http://www.discoverbing.com/welcome/

This is a lame blog to write after not blogging for a long time, but I think this link is funny. "BING" seems like it is pretty good, but that blurb acts like Google is not great. Do people really feel like internet searches are not progressing with the times? Also, I love how they try to use "BING" in a sentence like it is supposed to catch on. In 2012 do you picture yourself saying, "Bing it!"?

Friday Randoms

2009-05-29T15:48:00.002-04:00

My streak of random micro-ish blogs continue.

10 million people watched the premier of "Jon and Kate plus Eight". That is ridiculous to me, though I feel for that man.

Mel Gibson is the best for not caring about anything ever.

Cleveland does not even need a coach. Every play goes to Lebron and everyone knows it, and they somehow still won.

Mike Pelfrey is on the mound for the Mets tonight and he has not won against the Marlins in 7 straight starts.

The Yankees are over hyped. Everyone keeps comparing them to the 90's Yankees now. I think not, but they are doing well so it is hard to hate right now.

Eli Manning has been practicing with his starting WR's, that is a nice change.

Is Kanye West a retard? Heated debate on the internet.

Zune HD

2009-05-28T09:29:00.004-04:00

My birthday is coming up, and I was going to ask for an iPod Touch. As a well known Apple hater, I am glad Microsoft is coming out with a device that looks like it will be a real competitor to the iPod touch in the MP3 market. I will be waiting for the fall to get my hands on this. Read details below:

CLICK HERE

Random update

2009-05-26T10:19:00.002-04:00

I still have nothing worth writing about so I will just write a few random things. That may be more interesting than staying on one topic anyway.

Ultimate Challenge on Saturday was an Ultimate flop. We sucked it up bad and congrats to Dennis, Paz, and Provs for a job well done. Technically it is not over, but I am not sure my body can handle any more.

I went to Six Flags Great Adventure yesterday and they are genius. They have been advertising a new roller coaster called Bizarro lately on tv. It is a Superman Roller Coaster based on the character Bizarro from the Superman comics (which is like a Bizarro Superman as it sounds). All they did was paint the Medusa Roller Coaster and put up some Superman logos. You should have seen the line, pure genius.

The Mets continue to win pretty consistently despite being completely depleted by injuries.

I have a lot more followers on Twitter ever since MCHammer started following me.

Over at www.anicid.com/forums there is a thread about a pot.

Phantom Warhorses

2009-05-21T10:09:00.002-04:00

Saturday, my team, BRK House takes on the "Phantom Warhorses" in a series of athletc events. If you want details head over to dmoneymania.com. All I can say is that I cannot wait until Saturday. After watching their latest embarrassing creation I must say one word came to mind that would describe their team. Scrubs.

I will admit, I have not seen Paz in person or on video. I have no idea how he moves, or how athletic he is, so I will hold back on calling a sweep, but the other two. Dennis and Provs. I can beat you by myself. I don't need awful flash videos, or embarrassing shoots to prove my point. I will do it on the field. No one is beating me Saturday, and with my team with me, we will not only win but we will humiliate. Much like the '86 Mets. Saturday, the bad guys will ride again.

Link of the day. Thanks to Dikran.

2009-05-20T16:17:00.002-04:00

http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/9593138/Woman-loses-tooth,-gets-stuck-in-Mets-toilet?GT1=39002

Finally some Twitter recognition

2009-05-20T12:22:00.002-04:00

Message I sent earlier in the day:

theomegachrist
Finally gave up on the idea that @MCHammer would become interesting.

Email I received 2 minutes later:
Hi, Kenneth Jimenez.

Hammer (MCHammer) is now following your updates on Twitter.

Twitter feud?

Adventures of NYSC

2009-05-19T13:04:00.002-04:00

Just a quick update since this is an on going theme to my blog.

Today at the gym in Chelsea or as I like to call it Emerald City to all the Oz fans out there. It seems like there is just no rules at this gym when it comes to sexuality.

Today one of the regulars at the gym, a bald black man who has to be at least 55, was running on the treadmill. Laid out on the treadmill was a picture of two guys lathered up with oil, hugging in thongs. I guess this makes him run faster? The 'ol donkey and carrot goof. That is fine in the privacy of your home, but COME ON!! It is the gym. Just another bizarre event at Emerald City.

Random Update because I have not blogged recently

2009-05-15T09:41:00.002-04:00

I realized I have not blogged much recently, mostly because I have had absolutely nothing to blog about.

Anyway I still don't, but I am tired of seeing "Dancing with the Stars" at the top of my blog, so I will just type a few random things right now.

"Star Trek" was an amazing movie. The action was great right from the beginning of the movie until the end, the plot was smart, and it was just an overall good movie.

"Lost" season finale was great, and up until that point I was a little disappointed with the season, but it sure delivered. I love the people who act like they know what is going on. I am angry that I have to wait until next February though.

Twitter is way less cool now that I am used to it.

Does anyone else have people that added them on Facebook that you have no recollection of, but they seem to have a connection to you?

I am loving being a Mets fan right now. There are a ton of injuries, and they are still playing hard, coming back, hitting "clutch hits." May not last forever, but I am loving it.

Mafia Wars on Facebook is so awful, but I am addicted to it.

Dancing with the Stars Update

2009-05-06T09:23:00.002-04:00

Last night the idiot fans of "Dancing With the Stars" caused Lil' Kim and her milky white blond haired partner to be eliminated. They were the most absurd and entertaining partnership, and Lil' Kim actually could have won the entire competition. On top of that, in one of the better moments of the season, flamingly gay judge Bruno called Kim a tramp on Monday's show creating one of the more awkward moments in recent television history. He claimed something was lost in translation. Apparently this is an endearing phrase in Italy? Anyway, next week is the semi finals, and Ty Murray is still in the competition. If you have never seen Ty dance, please see the video below. Ty is a completely awful dancer and week after week he is somehow staying alive. My new goal is to vote for Ty Murray in hopes that a horrendous robotic dancer will win "Dancing with the Stars". This is my bitchassness update of the week.

For 12 million dollars a year the fans should be able to urinate on Oliver Perez

2009-05-04T13:21:00.004-04:00

Look at this guys face? How can you not hate him? I am not one to complain about the financial aspect of baseball. I could care less who is worth what. I am not going to pretend I know what the going rate for a mediocre left hander is, but I think we can all agree that Oliver Perez stinks right now. If he doesn't turn things around drastically, I think we should be able to urinate on his dumb face. Who is with me?

Are you tired of buying more Xbox Live Points than you need for a game?

2009-04-30T10:58:00.001-04:00

CHECK IT OUT

What you need to know about the Swine Flu

2009-04-30T10:32:00.004-04:00

It is just the flu.

There have been 13,000 regular flu deaths since January in the US, and one "Swine flu" death.

I am pretty sure they have some real catching up to do. There is so much chatter about the "Swine Flu."

Congrats to the news for repackaging one of the most common illnesses in the world and scaring the crap out of everyone.

I wish the old days of the News would return when they just reported what was going on.

Awesome song parody

2009-04-29T10:55:00.002-04:00

The best thing to do when writing a song parody is to just change 2 words and then use all of the original words besides that. Also there are a thousand mean things I could say about this girl, but instead just read the comments. In some retarded way the idea that she was trying to be funny is really funny.

Popeyes

2009-04-28T13:32:00.001-04:00

Thank you John Baio. I do not even have to comment on this one. Just watch.

The Onion makes it on ESPN

2009-04-27T14:07:00.000-04:00

Great as always

Snakes on a Plane: TV edit

2009-04-23T09:59:00.000-04:00

Best TV edit ever?

Drunken Philosopher Movie rant

2009-04-23T09:26:00.005-04:00

I'd like to thank Seth Rogan for "keepin it real" as the kids say. When funny people become famous it is really hard to stay funny and true to yourself, and "Observe and Report" is about as fucked up and raw as a comedy can get. It wasn't necessarily the funniest movie you will see, but hilarious in a way that goes agaisnt the trend of formulatic pussy comedies that you usually see in the movies these days. I will give it an 8/10, it is a must see for people who appreciate dark comedy. If you don't, you are probably not that funny and should see the movie below.

Last night Aziz Ansari (hilarious comedian also in Observe and Rport) "tweeted" the following:

Hey @JenniferGarner,

thought of a cool movie idea. Guy (me) learns about love through the ghosts of previous girlfriends. What do you think?

I thought that he made that plot up, and that is was more comedy genius from Aziz to come up with a plot so ridiculous and pretend to be talking to Jennifer Garner about it. However this morning when getting on the bus I saw the following poster

Yep. That is real.

Lawrence Taylor eliminated

2009-04-22T08:37:00.002-04:00

I have been really busy lately so there has been a lack of blog action. I just wanted to jump on here quick and say I am sad that LT has been eliminated from "Dancing with the Stars". LT was obviously my favorite, and with him gone there aren't many stars left, it is more like "Dancing with the People Who were on TV Once". I know it is not very masculine to watch DWTS but it is a good show :(

Tales of Vesperia video review

2009-04-14T14:39:00.003-04:00

Something about the guy reviewing this game really bothers me. It is really cringe inducing how he talks about fantasy RPG elements as if he is an expert at at magic video game elements. I hate this guy. Check it out.

Nothing is funny anymore

2009-04-14T09:19:00.003-04:00

About 2 weeks ago I messaged my friend Afif asking why Jim Gaffigan was funny. I heard some of Jim's comedy special, and honestly I found it to be extremely hacky and unoriginal. Afif wrote me back defending Jim saying he remembers him being hilarious when he went to see him live. I think the problem is over the years as we grow wise beyond our years we realize that most everything has been done before. It is almost depressing, but I can barely ever find anything worth watching. Everything is a giant cliche, and really formulatic. Even the funny movies I have seen recently (I Love You Man for example) was extremely formulatic and cheesy.

I can turn on my television throw on a sitcom with a laugh track and pretend it is enjoyable, but even the best of them are mediocre at best. It is upsetting to think about, and it seems like it is worse today than ever before. I feel like there used to be more of an edge on television and in movies. Stand ups were more creative and had an edge, and somewhere along the way it was lost. Maybe I am imagining this? I hope for the "good 'ol days", where there were no liberal thought police or network intervention, but maybe it was never like that? Maybe good comedy was always few and far between.

I think back and I remember loving the "Kinds of Comedy" with Steve Harvey and the gang. Back then I thought that was fresh, original comedy. Now a days I watch Katt Williams and I want to kill myself. It is so clearly not fresh and original, but is it that different from "Kings of Comedy?" Probably not when I think about it. It was just a cliche that I have never heard before, but probably existed many times before that. However, with that said I think creative comedy exists. I think "30 Rock" has never been done before. I think Jim Norton and Louis C.K. are unique creative comics. I think Seth Rogan has done a good job starring in special unique comedies.

The reason bad comedy exists is because there will always be 18 year old Kenny, young and naive laughing his ass off at some dumb shit. I am not sure what the point of this blog is, I am just venting I guess. I suppose my main point is that it is ok to hold your entertainment to a high standard. There will always be that young dumb version of me who thinks "Friends" was a hilarious sitcom, but hopefully there will always be older Kenny who pays to see high quality shit. LOCKED IN!

Citifield news

2009-04-13T14:00:00.000-04:00

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/mets_fans_perplexed_by_new

Diddy weekend gems via P. Twitty

2009-04-13T11:34:00.002-04:00

I want to put u on to my type of shit!!! Here's my favorite rock group Silversun Pickups http://tinyurl.com/cvt7td8:48 PM Apr 10th from web

Its gonna be 1 of those nighjts people!!!! I can't FEEL my FACE!!!!! Let's go!!!!!9:25 PM Apr 10th from TwitterBerry

Lol. Lol. Lol haaaaa LOCK IN!!!!! Let's go!!!!!!9:26 PM Apr 10th from TwitterBerry

Its a beautiful feeling!!!!! You only live once!!! So what you waitin for???? DO IT!!!!!!!!!!9:29 PM Apr 10th from TwitterBerry

@joanofalltrades aoooIIIiiiioqloIIiiyyyyyyyuuyy9:44 PM Apr 10th from TwitterBerry

I can't feel my face people!!! And I like it!!!! Let's go!!!!!!10:34 PM Apr 10th from TwitterBerry

Just leavin the club!!!! Now the party really begins!!!! You only live once!!!! Just do it!!!!! Close your eyes and JUMP!!!!! Let's go!!!!11:30 PM Apr 10th from TwitterBerry

@EstelleDarlings GFC and da DIRTY MONEY CREW RUNNIN tings in 09!!!!!!! we locked in!!!11:48 PM Apr 10th from web in reply to EstelleDarlings

@FASHIONISMYLIFE what up neice????? what does the future hold????11:50 PM Apr 10th from web in reply to FASHIONISMYLIFE

@FASHIONISMYLIFE imma be in la next week for month shootin last train to paris movie for album!!! lets do tea!!! lock in!!11:58 PM Apr 10th from web in reply to FASHIONISMYLIFE

I'm so HIGH off life right now!!!! Get HIGH with me!!!! Off of life!!! Life is such a blessing!!!! Thank you GOD!!!!!!12:06 AM Apr 11th from TwitterBerry

The future of Bad Boy rap!!!! His name is Aasim!!!! Write the name down!!!!!! Let's go!!!12:13 AM Apr 11th from TwitterBerry

The future of Bad Boy rap!!! His name is E NESS!!! Write it down!!! Were locked in!!!!!12:20 AM Apr 11th from TwitterBerry

Its 330 am!!!! Are you LOCKED IN????!!!!! Let's go!!! Who's wit me????12:24 AM Apr 11th from TwitterBerry

If your down with the LOCKED IN Movement send me your definition and thoughts via youtube under ptwitty locked in movement and ill post! GO12:31 AM Apr 11th from TwitterBerry

RT Berklee College of Music is LOCKED IN!!!! Here is a better definition of "LOCKED IN" http://tinyurl.com/dby8tb I see you. Lets GO!!!!1:58 AM Apr 11th from web

Happy saturday loved ones!!!!! Do something today to help someone God loves you if no nobody else does!!!! Never forget that !!!!8:13 AM Apr 11th from TwitterBerry

Diddy and Arctic Monkeys unite at Diddy's estate in Miamihttp://tinyurl.com/c8qn7d8:14 AM Apr 11th from web

Happy saturday loved ones!!!!! Do something today to help someone God loves you if no nobody else does!!!! Never forget that !!!!8:14 AM Apr 11th from TwitterBerry

Happy saturday loved ones!!!!! Do something today to help someone God loves you if no nobody else does!!!! Never forget that !!!!8:23 AM Apr 11th from web

Being lazy!!! Sittin up in my bed thinking about me future!!! That's all1:16 PM Apr 11th from TwitterBerry

At this party called prince vs michael jackson!!!!! NUTS!!! Wish u were here!!!! Let's go!!!! Wit @mredlover!! I'm locked in!!!!!11:03 PM Apr 11th from TwitterBerry

Micheal jackson and Prince are the greatest!!!!!!12:29 AM Apr 12th from TwitterBerry

Me and 20 of my closest friends at penthouse suite of the LONDON hotel!!!! No cameras ALLOWED!!!!we LOCKED IN while yall SLEEPIN!!!!!2:18 AM Apr 12th from TwitterBerry

Brand new live raw footage of Diddy's after hours party. To view click here http://tinyurl.com/cwqket.3:30 AM Apr 12th from web

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE! ON TODAY THE LORDS DAY GIVE HIM THE THANKS AND PRAISE HE DESERVES!!! GOD IS THE GREATEST ALL THE TIME!!!!4:38 AM Apr 12th from web

Thank you JESUS!!!!!! I'm LOCKED IN ON OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST!!!! Let's go people!!! LOCK IN!!!!!!about 21 hours ago from TwitterBerry

Ok folks I'm takin the day off of twitter to dedicate the rest of the day to our lord and savior JESUS CHRIST!!! Thank you JESUS!!!!!!about 20 hours ago from TwitterBerry

Just a few notes after reading these updates over again. According to Berkley School of music "locked in" means owning a camera and being an idiot. Also LOL @ Diddy with the "Arctic Monkeys" I suggest watching that in full. Diddy seems like such a tedious guy to know. Every video when people are with him they have a look like they are being held hostage or something.

Also, why does he invent awful phrases and expect people to adapt them like they are pearls of wisdom. Ok, so he is the worlds biggest Arctic Monkeys fan, yet his favorite rock band is Silversun Pickups. Does this mean that he knows and acknowledges another Silversun Pickups fan as their #1 fan? If so can Diddy put us on to them? Lastly, hasn't everyone given up on the next big Bad Boy artist since like 1999?

Oliver Perez

2009-04-10T10:43:00.001-04:00

Check out this video of Oliver Perez proving he is Mexican courtesy of Mets Blog.