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What you need to know about the Swine Flu

It is just the flu.

There have been 13,000 regular flu deaths since January in the US, and one "Swine flu" death.

I am pretty sure they have some real catching up to do. There is so much chatter about the "Swine Flu."

Congrats to the news for repackaging one of the most common illnesses in the world and scaring the crap out of everyone.

I wish the old days of the News would return when they just reported what was going on.

Awesome song parody

The best thing to do when writing a song parody is to just change 2 words and then use all of the original words besides that. Also there are a thousand mean things I could say about this girl, but instead just read the comments. In some retarded way the idea that she was trying to be funny is really funny.

Popeyes

Thank you John Baio. I do not even have to comment on this one. Just watch.

The Onion makes it on ESPN

Great as always

Snakes on a Plane: TV edit

Best TV edit ever?

Drunken Philosopher Movie rant

I'd like to thank Seth Rogan for "keepin it real" as the kids say. When funny people become famous it is really hard to stay funny and true to yourself, and "Observe and Report" is about as fucked up and raw as a comedy can get. It wasn't necessarily the funniest movie you will see, but hilarious in a way that goes agaisnt the trend of formulatic pussy comedies that you usually see in the movies these days. I will give it an 8/10, it is a must see for people who appreciate dark comedy. If you don't, you are probably not that funny and should see the movie below. 

Last night Aziz Ansari (hilarious comedian also in Observe and Rport) "tweeted" the following:

Hey @JenniferGarner,

 thought of a cool movie idea. Guy (me) learns about love through the ghosts of previous girlfriends. What do you think?

 I thought that he made that plot up, and that is was more comedy genius from Aziz to come up with a plot so ridiculous and pretend to be talking to Jennifer Garner about it. However this morning when getting on the bus I saw the following poster

Yep. That is real. 

Lawrence Taylor eliminated

I have been really busy lately so there has been a lack of blog action. I just wanted to jump on here quick and say I am sad that LT has been eliminated from "Dancing with the Stars". LT was obviously my favorite, and with him gone there aren't many stars left, it is more like "Dancing with the People Who were on TV Once". I know it is not very masculine to watch DWTS but it is a good show :(

Tales of Vesperia video review

Something about the guy reviewing this game really bothers me. It is really cringe inducing how he talks about fantasy RPG elements as if he is an expert at at magic video game elements. I hate this guy. Check it out. 

Nothing is funny anymore

About 2 weeks ago I messaged my friend Afif asking why Jim Gaffigan was funny. I heard some of Jim's comedy special, and honestly I found it to be extremely hacky and unoriginal. Afif wrote me back defending Jim saying he remembers him being hilarious when he went to see him live. I think the problem is over the years as we grow wise beyond our years we realize that most everything has been done before. It is almost depressing, but I can barely ever find anything worth watching. Everything is a giant cliche, and really formulatic. Even the funny movies I have seen recently (I Love You Man for example) was extremely formulatic and cheesy.  

I can turn on my television throw on a sitcom with a laugh track and pretend it is enjoyable, but even the best of them are mediocre at best. It is upsetting to think about, and it seems like it is worse today than ever before. I feel like there used to be more of an edge on television and in movies. Stand ups were more creative and had an edge, and somewhere along the way it was lost. Maybe I am imagining this? I hope for the "good 'ol days", where there were no liberal thought police or network intervention, but maybe it was never like that? Maybe good comedy was always few and far between. 

I think back and I remember loving the "Kinds of Comedy" with Steve Harvey and the gang. Back then I thought that was fresh, original comedy. Now a days I watch Katt Williams and I want to kill myself. It is so clearly not fresh and original, but is it that different from "Kings of Comedy?" Probably not when I think about it. It was just a cliche that I have never heard before, but probably existed many times before that. However, with that said I think creative comedy exists. I think "30 Rock" has never been done before. I think Jim Norton and Louis C.K. are unique creative comics. I think Seth Rogan has done a good job starring in special unique comedies. 

The reason bad comedy exists is because there will always be 18 year old Kenny, young and naive laughing his ass off at some dumb shit. I am not sure what the point of this blog is, I am just venting I guess. I suppose my main point is that it is ok to hold your entertainment to a high standard. There will always be that young dumb version of me who thinks "Friends" was a hilarious sitcom, but hopefully there will always be older Kenny who pays to see high quality shit. LOCKED IN!

Citifield news

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/mets_fans_perplexed_by_new

Diddy weekend gems via P. Twitty

I want to put u on to my type of shit!!! Here's my favorite rock group Silversun Pickups http://tinyurl.com/cvt7td8:48 PM Apr 10th from web

Its gonna be 1 of those nighjts people!!!! I can't FEEL my FACE!!!!! Let's go!!!!!9:25 PM Apr 10th from TwitterBerry

Lol. Lol. Lol haaaaa LOCK IN!!!!! Let's go!!!!!!9:26 PM Apr 10th from TwitterBerry

Its a beautiful feeling!!!!! You only live once!!! So what you waitin for???? DO IT!!!!!!!!!!9:29 PM Apr 10th from TwitterBerry

@joanofalltrades aoooIIIiiiioqloIIiiyyyyyyyuuyy9:44 PM Apr 10th from TwitterBerry

I can't feel my face people!!! And I like it!!!! Let's go!!!!!!10:34 PM Apr 10th from TwitterBerry

Just leavin the club!!!! Now the party really begins!!!! You only live once!!!! Just do it!!!!! Close your eyes and JUMP!!!!! Let's go!!!!11:30 PM Apr 10th from TwitterBerry

@EstelleDarlings GFC and da DIRTY MONEY CREW RUNNIN tings in 09!!!!!!! we locked in!!!11:48 PM Apr 10th from web in reply to EstelleDarlings

@FASHIONISMYLIFE what up neice????? what does the future hold????11:50 PM Apr 10th from web in reply to FASHIONISMYLIFE

@FASHIONISMYLIFE imma be in la next week for month shootin last train to paris movie for album!!! lets do tea!!! lock in!!11:58 PM Apr 10th from web in reply to FASHIONISMYLIFE

I'm so HIGH off life right now!!!! Get HIGH with me!!!! Off of life!!! Life is such a blessing!!!! Thank you GOD!!!!!!12:06 AM Apr 11th from TwitterBerry

The future of Bad Boy rap!!!! His name is Aasim!!!! Write the name down!!!!!! Let's go!!!12:13 AM Apr 11th from TwitterBerry

The future of Bad Boy rap!!! His name is E NESS!!! Write it down!!! Were locked in!!!!!12:20 AM Apr 11th from TwitterBerry

Its 330 am!!!! Are you LOCKED IN????!!!!! Let's go!!! Who's wit me????12:24 AM Apr 11th from TwitterBerry

If your down with the LOCKED IN Movement send me your definition and thoughts via youtube under ptwitty locked in movement and ill post! GO12:31 AM Apr 11th from TwitterBerry

RT Berklee College of Music is LOCKED IN!!!! Here is a better definition of "LOCKED IN" http://tinyurl.com/dby8tb I see you. Lets GO!!!!1:58 AM Apr 11th from web

Happy saturday loved ones!!!!! Do something today to help someone God loves you if no nobody else does!!!! Never forget that !!!!8:13 AM Apr 11th from TwitterBerry

Diddy and Arctic Monkeys unite at Diddy's estate in Miamihttp://tinyurl.com/c8qn7d8:14 AM Apr 11th from web

Happy saturday loved ones!!!!! Do something today to help someone God loves you if no nobody else does!!!! Never forget that !!!!8:14 AM Apr 11th from TwitterBerry

Happy saturday loved ones!!!!! Do something today to help someone God loves you if no nobody else does!!!! Never forget that !!!!8:23 AM Apr 11th from web

Being lazy!!! Sittin up in my bed thinking about me future!!! That's all1:16 PM Apr 11th from TwitterBerry

At this party called prince vs michael jackson!!!!! NUTS!!! Wish u were here!!!! Let's go!!!! Wit @mredlover!! I'm locked in!!!!!11:03 PM Apr 11th from TwitterBerry

Micheal jackson and Prince are the greatest!!!!!!12:29 AM Apr 12th from TwitterBerry

Me and 20 of my closest friends at penthouse suite of the LONDON hotel!!!! No cameras ALLOWED!!!!we LOCKED IN while yall SLEEPIN!!!!!2:18 AM Apr 12th from TwitterBerry

Brand new live raw footage of Diddy's after hours party. To view click here http://tinyurl.com/cwqket.3:30 AM Apr 12th from web

HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE! ON TODAY THE LORDS DAY GIVE HIM THE THANKS AND PRAISE HE DESERVES!!! GOD IS THE GREATEST ALL THE TIME!!!!4:38 AM Apr 12th from web

Thank you JESUS!!!!!! I'm LOCKED IN ON OUR LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST!!!! Let's go people!!! LOCK IN!!!!!!about 21 hours ago from TwitterBerry

Ok folks I'm takin the day off of twitter to dedicate the rest of the day to our lord and savior JESUS CHRIST!!! Thank you JESUS!!!!!!about 20 hours ago from TwitterBerry

Just a few notes after reading these updates over again. According to Berkley School of music "locked in" means owning a camera and being an idiot. Also LOL @ Diddy with the "Arctic Monkeys" I suggest watching that in full. Diddy seems like such a tedious guy to know. Every video when people are with him they have a look like they are being held hostage or something. 

Also, why does he invent awful phrases and expect people to adapt them like they are pearls of wisdom. Ok, so he is the worlds biggest Arctic Monkeys fan, yet his favorite rock band is Silversun Pickups. Does this mean that he knows and acknowledges another Silversun Pickups fan as their #1 fan? If so can Diddy put us on to them? Lastly, hasn't everyone given up on the next big Bad Boy artist since like 1999? 

Oliver Perez

Check out this video of Oliver Perez proving he is Mexican courtesy of Mets Blog. 

Parks and Recreation

I watched this show last night because thanks to Ryan I have fallen in love with Aziz Ansari on the internet. Aziz would certainly rank in my top 5 funniest people on the internet (Diddy is #1 but he is not trying to be LETS GO!), so I was excited about this show. All I have to say is that I hope it gets better, but I think the entire premise of the show is pretty bad. There were a few lol moments, but my biggest problem with the show is that it uses the same exact formula as "The Office" in a way less funny setting. Nothing was more irritating than seeing the characters talk to the camera in that same Office style. I don't see them steering away from this, and I suspect it will just be NBC trying to trick people into watching "The Office" twice. Oh well!

Diddy Quotes of the Day 4/9

Ok, so I am going to try to post a few good positive messages from our friend Diddy every day on here. The least he can do is help out my blog in exchange for spamming twitter 24 hours straight. 

"To buy your new NO BITCHASSNESS Tshirts, hit me with ur info at newseanjohnshirt@gmail.com. Limited requests will be taken!! LETS GO!!!"

"But be clear I don't condone BITCHASSNESS!!!! In any shape or form!!! I will handle!!!!"

" Real talk some times there's some deeper shit goin on with people! Don't judge! We all done acted crazy in our on way!!! Don't throw stones!"

" God thank you for waking me up this morning!!!!! THANK YOU!!!"

" Did yall know my favorite Rock group is Silversun Pickups?!? and I am excited their new album, Swoon, comes out April 14th!!! I cant wait!!"

" Last train to Paris is not just an album it's a feeling. Its a movement. Its a risk. Its a void fulfilled!!! Its coming to a soul near you!"

" Just leaving gym! Finished my 3rd work out! You got start somewhere. I'm better today than I was yesterday!!!!"

New Diddy Blog

I just don't even know where to begin here. I will just say my reaction was...

"What just happened?"

Also unless I am missing the point this is a fake video, so why is it in mono? If they put the trouble in to make this, why is it not in stereo sound? 

Update: I guess this was real...I can't believe he thanked real actors for paving the way. 

I was reminded of this 9-1-1 call today

So I figured I would post it. Enjoy. 

Diddy

In case you were wondering what profound was. I am just scratching the surface here with Diddy, he is quite possibly the most inadvertently funny person on the planet. That is if he is not doing it on purpose, who knows. You figure he has to be smart to be so rich right? Maybe it is an act. When was the last time he did anything relevant in music? 

Who is Michael Ghattas?

I got an email from "Michael Ghattas" that had no subject and just the attached picture. I don't know who he is, but any man who puts the time to create a "Blood Diamond" collage with severed limbs is ok in my book. 

Super Christian

I was Googling the phrase "super christian" and this came up. Doesn't this look like it would be the greatest movie ever? 

Hi dummy, you are not on the team

Ok, so I was doing laundry, a setting I often meditate and come up with pearls of wisdom to share with you, and I thought of three things that really annoy me about sports fans. 

1) When Sports fans use the term WE. This one really annoys me and I feel I am not really guilty of it, because I cringe whenever I hear it. You know what I mean when a friend comes up to you and says "You know what we need...", followed by some awful arm chair GM theory of what the Mets need to win. You are not on the team you fool, what you need to do is keep buying beer and food at the stadium so that the people who actually have some knowledge of baseball can make the real moves necessary to win. WE aren't doing well, they are, get over yourself, you are just a dumb fan. 

2) When sports fans play the hypothetical GM (this usually happens on Sports radio). I do this, but it doesn't make it any less annoying. Everyone gets caught up in trade deadlines and hypothetical BS trades. Nothing is worse than hearing ridiculous theories and speculation. Nothing is funnier than hearing a fan say, "I think the Mets should trade Carlos Beltran for Roy Halladay and a 2nd round draft pick." People often throw the draft pick in to legitimize their knowledge of the sport. Obviously you have deeply analyzed the players worth if you are involving draft picks. I love how everyone thinks they have thought of the trade that the GM's have overlooked. 

3) People who tell you what "you guys" need. You know these people, they are all like "Hey, you know what you guys need..." Then proceed to tell you what is wrong with the team you like. Now these people are the worst because not only are they guilty of issue #1, they have so mastered their job as arm chair GM that they have moved on to tell YOU what YOUR team needs. It is always something asinine like "better starting pitching." Oh well, fuck me! I and the entire Mets organization haven't thought of that, I will run that by them since obviously I am important since you came to me with such a gem. 

Anyway, that is all for now. I have been slacking on Blogs lately, so there ya have it. Enjoy. 

NOTE: I should have used a football example as Dennis has pointed out, you don't trade picks in baseball! It was a good line though if I used football :( 

I Like You Man

Can I get a high five for the title? Ok, so I finally became the last person to see this movie the other day, and I will say that I did think it was a pretty funny movie. There were some good legit laughs, but something didn't feel right about the movie. So I have been thinking on the toilet, and I think I figured out my problem with the movie.

It was a good movie, but I think it was a little too safe. Don't get me wrong, there were some outrageous scenes, and dialogue, but something about the movie just didn't seem like it went all out. I mean whatever, not every movie has to have you crying of laughter on the floor, but I think this movie was just made to appeal to everyone. It is a movie, teens and adults can like, and men and women. 

That is fine, and I have come to peace with that. My only other complaint is, I am not sure what they were going for with Jason Segal's character? Like I do not think they actually wanted you to believe that a guy calling a room a "man cave" was cool, but they didn't really try very hard to lead you to believe it was mocking people like that either. Paul Rudd was funny doing what Paul Rudd does as usual, but overall I didn't ROFL. I liked this movie, but I think I liked "Role Models" a lot more. 

Can't wait for "Observe and Report" which just by the previews looks to be the amazing comedy I wish this movie was. 

I am not feeling like breaking out banana.gif so I will give this a 6.5/10 since I know you are on the edge of your seats waiting for my review.

Empty phrases/adjectives

I was listening to old Carlin comedy a few weeks ago and he had a routine about empty phrases/adjectives. What stood out in my mind was the phrase "personal belongings." 

Carlin questioned why we say this, because what are the other kinds of belongings that we may have? Carlin is a genius, and that really got me thinking. 

I don't know if this is specific to Americans, but I constantly come across this at work, and I am guilty of it as well. Why do we equate certain adjectives and phrases as sophisticated? I find it hard to believe when people say they have the "utmost respect" for someone, yet people say it all the time, and the recipients never question it. Why is that a custom that we are comfortable with? It is so rare that you earn any real praise, it is always "Kenny has exceeded expectations." 

We are just pre-programmed with phrases and adjectives that are supposed to mean something, but are just BS. 

If I have to read one more person say ASAP, I am going to kill myself. ASAP really means do it now if you didn't know. Also, when people say something like, "We appreciate your immediate attention," on an email in which you have not responded to yet. How can you appreciate something that hasn't happened yet? Anyway I thought I would have more to say about this, we are just a nation of fools is all. LATER.