<3 The Onion

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/lance_armstrong_inspires_thousands?utm_source=a-section

Obama is not drinking American Beer tonight

That is actually what they discussed for 15 minutes on CNBC just now. Wow.

I guess I am old fashioned

But I like my heroes to be of the two testicled variety. Hit the bricks Lance Armstrong.

I was arguing about this with my brother the other day. Is their a scientific reason why it is tougher to ride with one testicle or is the story that he beat Cancer? My brother says that he produces less testosterone with one testicle, but I don't think that is true? I was fine with Lance Armstrong in the beginning, but now every time he races it is a story. Why?

My brother was like, "He hasn't even competed in 2 years and he is in third." Any other athlete they would say he lost because he was lazy. I am tired of all the dumb bracelets and crazy praise. The dude rides a bike. Below is a picture of a real hero who wouldn't know a thing about riding a bicycle because he plays real sports and isn't trying to be the best at exercising.

Why Bruno stunk

Ok so Bruno was not the worst movie I have ever seen, in fact it was pretty funny at times. The movie stunk though because comedy needs a hero. The movies today that I find generally funny follow a trend of being predictable and corny. Long gone are the days of original edgy comedy, and Sacha Baron Cohen was always that.

The "Ali G Show" was exactly what I love about comedy. Edgy, spontaneous and original. Bruno was the complete opposite of that. Everything felt stale and staged. Though they will probably claim it wasn't staged forever, I don't buy it. I think besides a couple of scenes, everyone was in on the joke and that is lame to me.

Bruno felt like a parody of the "Ali G Show" and I don't recommend seeing it.

Wow Apple

WOW

It is beyond me why people act like Apple is the good guy.

America's Got Talent

I never saw this show until yesterday, but Acrodunk got me hooked.

Mafia Wars = Lack of Creativity

Why is everyone's name on Mafia Wars "Don _______"?? What is it about Mob Life that robs everyone of any creativity?

you know what is irritating?

When people on bicycles think they are part of legit traffic. They ride down the street here in New York and act like I am not supposed to walk near them. You aren't as legit as cars get over yourself. That's all I got right now.

Fight Night DLC caters to people who suck

In one of the more irritating game announcements I have heard in awhile EA is putting out an update to "Fight Night Round 4" that allows people who have no motor skills a better shot at winning. In Round 3, EA gave players the option of using button controls to throw punches rather than the analog stick.

The analog controls, in my opinion, are the best emulation of real life fighting without actually throwing punches. However, using the face buttons is so much quicker that it is almost impossible to use the analog stick against people online who are using the face buttons.

EA did the right thing. They believed in their total stick control, so they left the face buttons out. Today though, the announcement came out that they are officially adding in face controls in their next update.

How lame, they spent all this time coming out with the new stick control, and because of a little bitching they made it totally obsolete. Boo EA! Have some balls.

Steve McNair or Karl Malone?

The debate came up yesterday between Ryan (http://orangeapplebanana.blogspot.com) and myself. Who had the more fucked up and shocking secret life?

I am going with Karl Malone because of a few reasons. Here is my case:

* Karl Malone will always be associated with John Stockton who if I remember correctly is a non intimidating white guy. John Stockton looks like a Suburban Gym teacher. This adds to the shock value.

* Karl Malone played in Utah and didn't stand out as a bad guy. Also adding to the shock value.

* Karl Malone had sex with a 13 year old girl when he was in college.

* She got pregnant.

* She kept the baby.

* Karl Malone is a millionare.

* He didn't pay child support.

* The kid made the NFL.

* He still won't acknowledge him, and told him "It's too late for me to be a father."

* He did the same thing with a set of twins.

* One of the girls made the WNBA.

* He now has a relationship with them and is on billboards for the WNBA.