Top 10 Movie Heels #3: Ernie McCracken

Ah "Kingpin" another underrated comedy. I did not see many great movies in 2008, but I will say that 2008 was an Ernie McCracken killer. If I made this list in 2007, he would have easily been numero uno. With his ridiculous rose ball and his over the top taunting, McCracken is a classic heel. In many ways he is more of a heel than the top 2, but all of the top 3 are leaps and bounds above the rest. Ernie McCracken is the definition of heel.

Top 10 Movie Heels #4: Jacobim Mugatu

"Zoolander" is one of my favorite comedies of all time. A lot of people have given me guff about that (excuse my language) but I stand behind this statement. "Zoolander" may not have the best dialogue or the most intelligent jokes but it sure takes the prize for ridiculousness, and having a great heel. Mugatu is a flashy dresser, sinister, and more importantly carries around a small dog to complete the package. In my wildest dreams I could not come up with a more absurd idea for a movie heel. By sheer entertainment value he would contest for the top spot, but within the context of this list, he is not a big enough asshole to be #1. "Zoolander" and Mugatu will always hold a special spot in my awful heart, Mugatu will come in as #4. RELAX.

Top 10 Movie Heels #5: Darth Vader

There is not much to say here. Darth Vader is probably the greatest Villain ever in a movie, but he was not over the top enough for me to consider him a true enough heel to be #1. Also Anakin Skywalker's appearances probably cost him a few points as well. No matter how bad ass he is, you have to figure that whiny bitch is somewhere deep within him.

Top 10 Movie heels #6: Bill the Butcher

I haven't seen "Gangs of New York" in a really long time, but what I do remember is two things that made me love Bill the Butcher. He was one of the most badass assholes I have ever seen in a movie, and he was trying to kill Leonardo DiCaprio. Both great traits to have in my book. I will admit that I like most of the movies Leo is in, but if I was a sadistic killer and saw his face, I would probably want to make a Leo intestine necklace too. Anyway, I went and looked up some quotes because it has been so long since I have seen this movie, and this one seems fitting:

"[taps his glass eye with a knife] I know your works. You are neither cold nor hot. So because you are lukewarm, I will spew you out of my mouth. You can build your filthy world without me. I took the father. Now I'll take the son. You tell young Vallon I'm gonna paint Paradise Square with his blood. Two coats. I'll festoon my bedchamber with his guts. As for you, Mr. Tammany-fucking-Hall, you come down to the Points again, and you'll be dispatched by my own hand. Get back to your celebration and let me eat in peace."

Anyone who wants to paint major parts of a city with blood is a sweet heel.

Top 10 Movie Heels #7: Hannibal Lecter

My #7 heel, I want to point out is the Hannibal Lecter of "Silence of the Lambs" fame, not "Hannibal" Hanibal Lecter, and especially not "Red Dragon" Hannibal Lecter. Not that those movies were excessively bad or that he was not a heel, but there is just something more impressive about the mind games Hannibal played in "Silence of the Lambs." Not to mention that it was comical that Hannibal was supposedly younger in the "Red Dragon" movie. Maybe they should have waited a few more years for better CGI. Also, let's not forget the unreasonably bad "Hannibal Rising", I expected Hannibal to break out in dance with an umbrella turning it into a musical during that awful film.

Hannibal Lecter of "Silence of the Lambs" used dialogue to play such intense mind games with Clarice that she grew to respect him. His delivery,intelligence and disregard for human life made him one of the best movie heels ever.

Marvin Harrsion: Street Warrior

A must read for fans of football/comedy

KING OF THOMPSON STREET


My favorite excerpt:

When police paid a follow-up visit to Chuckie's, they found Harrison sitting in a beach chair near a cardboard cutout of himself in a Colts uniform. They asked if there were any guns on the premises, and to their surprise Harrison lifted the leg of his jeans to reveal a registered .22-caliber handgun strapped to his ankle. Soon after, a man whom Harrison called his stepfather handed over the Belgian pistol, fully loaded.

Top 10 Movie Heels #8: Gaston

It is tough to be a heel in a kids movie, but Gaston of "Beauty and the Beast" is one of my favorite movie heels ever, and #8 on my top 10 list. His drive towards perfection and arrogant nature make him extremely hateable and really annoying, but annoying in a way that fans of movie heels cannot ignore. Everyone knows the Beast was a queer, I was rooting for Gaston.