Wednesday, December 23, 2009

NBA Jam: A Retrospective-Eastern Conference Part 2

Rony Seikaly/Harold Miner: If you were a youngster during this era you would probably think that Rony Seikaly was the funnier of the two names here. However, Rony had a pretty ok career. He averaged 14 pts and 9 rebounds throughout his career, pretty ok but not video game star good. On top of that he married a swimsuit model and resembles an enemy from "Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2". That let's him make my list based on ridiculousness alone. Harold Miner on the other hand was labeled "Baby Jordan" coming out of college. Based on his career numbers, this would only be an accurate nickname if the plot of "Like Mike" was based on the real story of Harold Miner. He was drafted 12th overall and averaged 9 points a game in a 4 season career. On a positive note, he did have the best dunks with no one guarding him.

Derrick Coleman: Coleman was a legit star so he only made the list because of his behavior issues. This is all from memory so I could be wrong, but I am pretty sure he had a sneaker deal, was featured in NBA Jam, and pushed as the Nets big star at the time. He was fat, lazy, and got into huge feuds with other stars. I remember him calling Karl Malone an "Uncle Tom" in the 90's during the peak of their feud. In Coleman's defense, Karl Malone is a really confusing public figure, I am not sure about Uncle Tom, but his life mirrors white trash more than it does a black guys problems. Besides his feuds Coleman was arrested several times for ridiculous issues. He urinated publicly, cursed cops out when they stopped him for an alcohol test, went to jail for traffic violations, and was in a terrible accident where he almost went to jail for drunk driving but got off due to a mistrial. Coleman was a real gem.

Scott Skiles/Jeff Hornacek: These guys weren't bad, but just boring white guys. I believe Scott Skiles still has the single game assists record, and Horncek played on the Utah Jazz where he was the second best white guy. At the end of the day they make the list cause they were boring white guys in an arcade basketball game.

Western Conference up next.

Update 11:01AM Derrick Coleman also went Bankrupt and now runs a sneaker store in Detroit.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

NBA Jam: A Retrospective-Eastern Conference Part 1

This blog entry began with a conversation with my good friend Ryan. I was trying to come up with a list of the greatest NBA sidekicks of all time, and Ryan said "Look at the NBA Jam roster." At the time this sounded like a real money idea, but rather than a list of great sidekicks I found a list of the most undeserving people to ever be featured in a video game. Sure, there were plenty of stars in the game but NBA Jam is still to this day the defining NBA arcade game, so some of these players I cannot help to laugh at. I will look at the top undeserving players (From the SNES/Genesis versions since that is what most of us remember).

Stacey Augmon: I put this name first because when I was an asshole little kid I got a Stacey Augmon card that was shiny and got excited. Why? Because he was a player in NBA Jam!! I didn't know any better then, and girl name went on to average 8 points a game for his career.

Dee Brown: From Wikipedia - "One of the highlights of his career occurred in 1991, when he won the NBA Slam Dunk Contest with a "no-look" slam dunk." I would like to nominate this as possibly understatement of the decade. Other career highlights include being a starter for 2 seasons and coaching 2 WNBA teams. While I am glossing over that point, I do indeed find it hilarious that he coached in the WNBA.

Brad Daugherty: Ok, Brad was pretty good. He averaged 19 points a game in his career. I only added him to the list because he looks like Scottie Pippen and Frankenstein had a child.

Derrick McKey: Ok, another guy who had an OK career, but in perspective he was drafted before Reggie Miller and then went on to become his sidekick.

Brad Lohaus and Blue Edwards: This is possibly my favorite video game tandem ever in any game. How is it possible at any given time for any franchise that guys named Brad and Blue would represent your team in a major video game? Brad Lohaus scored 3,854 career points, Blue Edwards 7,585, a combined total only slightly greater than Derrick McKey. "Blue" is never the name of a leading man. The only acceptable uses of the word "Blue" are the following: Side kick, Chess champion of the park that feeds the birds, and a dog.

Ok part 2 of the Eastern Conference is "coming soon".

Friday, December 18, 2009

Haven't blogged in like a week

I am the worst. Sorry to the 3 people who read my blog.

Anyway, tip of the week. Download Chrome Beta, the extensions are pretty sweet. Google is taking over the world.

Also, Bret Hart has to be the man of the week. Wrestling is so sad now a days. That is all I have, I suck.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Random crap/Tiger Woods

I haven't been blogging at all lately, because of laziness, that is the Kenny staple so here is a few tidbits.

Ok, this has been talked about from every angle, and I know this is not a fresh concept to write about, but how horrendous is Mindy Lawton? I believe Tiger's wife can probably deal with the sheer number, but if this woman isn't proof that Tiger had some type of sex addiction, I don't know what it is. Maybe she had some "tricks up her sleeve" that the others girls don't.

Today is fucking cold in New York, my hands felt like they were going to shatter. I am so sick of people referencing global warming every time there is a major weather shift. I mean I have never talked to anyone I can trust that actually knows anything about the weather. Everyone is an expert in everything because of second hand information. I don't want your medical advice because you read Web MD and I don't want your weather advice because you saw Al Gore do a powerpoint. Nothing is worse than a person who starts out a sentence "Actually..." and then spouts off something they read on the internet or saw in a movie.

Baseball is making me sick. As much as I love the Mets and want them to win, the Yankees trade for Curtis Granderson, and the Mets giant offer to Jason Bay make me sick. I just finished reading "The Jordan Rules" which Ryan let me borrow, and it made me pretty sentimental. It made me realize how basketball is the ultimate team game. Then all of these deals pop up and it just makes you realize how baseball is not at all a team game. Baseball is a sport where the sum of it's parts makes up how great a team is, and with a climate where a few teams have all the money, how could that ever be fair/interesting? I will still love going to games and supporting my team, but in the end it kind of makes me sick.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Quote of the day

"I used to drink Hennessy ... at halftime," Artest says in the interview, which hits newsstands this week. "I [kept it] in my locker. I'd just walk to the liquor store and get it."

-Ron Artest

The Onion is the best

Boy Finds Own Real-Life E.T.

Check it out