Friday, January 30, 2009

Ty Cobb was hilarious Part 1 of infinity

If you can get passed the fact Ty Cobb was a racist asshole, he was pretty hilarious. Case in point, Ty Cobb beats the shit out of man with no hands. How I titled it is pretty self explanatory but what is most hilarious to me is that the President commented on it, and it didn't seem so outrageous for the time, and the Tigers actually went on strike as if this was acceptable behavior. What a huge gap between the anything goes society back in the early 1900's, and the liberal panzies we have become. Please read this all, it gets better and better as it goes on.

-hat tip to Opie and Anthony for the story

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Wrestler

"The Wrestler" is a movie regular people will like, and wrestling fans will love. Mickey Rourke's face is so awful that I had to stop eating when watching this film, but it fits the run down wrestler image perfectly. The acting in the film was great, and even a regular Joe can feel the pain that Randy "The Ram" Robinson is going through. However, what makes this movie wonderful for me is how closely the story jives with the actual wrestling world from the 80s to present. The ending of the movie was one of the better endings I have seen in a film, and this movie instantly enters my top 10 films of all time. I recommend it to anyone, and especially anyone who is a wrestling fan. I don't see Mickey Rourke getting many more acting jobs with that mug, but he sure as hell was good in this film.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Christianity and Basketball

Hat tip to Dikran for this one

Coach says team played with honor

Only Texas could turn a basketball game into a religious debate. Is beating another team 100-0 Christian like? Maybe not, but then again maybe God has a sense of humor. I think the Dallas' school is more cruel for letting that team even play. I don't think it is possible to accuse a team of running up the score when the other team can't even score.

Joe Torre is a loser


When Joe Torre is done with his career he will be seen as a great manager. He won 4 World Series' titles with the Yankees, and not many managers can claim that. However, for a manager known for class and winning, promoting his new book really makes him come across as a classless loser. I am not one to care about these things. I mean I love Barry Bonds, and he certainly isn't a fountain of class, but due to my love for Arod and hate for the Yankees I feel the need to write about this.

I have always argued with friends that Joe Torre was simply a champion of circumstance. He inherited a champion by means of great scouting and slick GM moves. I never heard or saw evidence of great leadership, or genius moves. Torre was no Tony LaRussa, just a normal run of the mill manager who had the privilege of coaching hard nosed players like Paul O'neill, and Derek Jeter.

I am pretty confident that Alex Rodriguez is indeed a prima donna who show boated. It seemed to me though, that no one wanted him there, and that Joe Torre and the other coaches didn't make him feel very wanted. I am sure it is annoying as a manager to have to coddle your players, and Arod sounds like a giant bitch, but maybe Torre's inability to comfort Arod is the reason the Yankees never recaptured the magic of the 90's.

I know one thing for sure, if you are a current manager, you shouldn't put out a book bashing a player you managed. Especially if you are a manager known for class and dignity. Maybe this was all taken out of context, but it seems like Joe Torre is cashing in on the legacy and greatness of Arod and his inability to cope with New York. Does Joe really need money that badly? I am sure Arod is an annoyign nervous wreck, but he is also probably the greatest power hitter ever, so I wish the media would just leave him alone.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Renee Zellweger...eck

Renee Zellweger is neither funny nor attractive, yet for some reason people are supposed to want to see "New In Town." Granted, Hollywood is probably right, people went out in droves to see "Mall Cop" and I assure you, that is not a funny movie. If I could go back in time right now and kill one person, it would be Kevin James' parents. Anyway, this movie is being tagged as a cross between "Legally Blond" and "Sweet Home Alabama" which sets the bar pretty high. On one hand you have "Legally Blond" a movie that only girls like, and then there is "Sweet Home Alabama" a movie that no one liked. At least Reese Witherspoon is relatively good looking and bubbly. Renne Zellweger is pretty much the opposite of funny, and homily looking. God help us.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

New Mets Apple

To steer the media frenzy away from their Domino's Pizza patches, the Mets have constructed the most ridiculous lawn ornament ever. The new Apple is 4 times bigger than the old apple and weighs over 6,000 lbs. I am pretty sure most fans thought the original apple was a little tacky, so I am not sure why making it ridiculously big was a good idea. Maybe they can use it to crush the Phillies players somehow.

Update 2:13:

My new theory is that it is actually a trojan horse filled with soldiers who will attack and kill the Phillies.

One guy over at thinks Manny will pop out on opening day as a special gift to the fans.

Update 2:20:

Hat tip to Dikran for bringing this thought to my head. The old Apple was small and light. How do you raise a 6,000 lbs. Apple? Moreover, how do you conceal a 6,000 lbs. Apple?

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Blackberry Users

Just on a side note for today. I recommend two apps I found for all Blackberry users who either enjoy RSS Feeds, or have Netflix.

The first is Viigo an awesome RSS app that can suck in Google Reader. It is in Beta, but so far so good.

Second is Smart Flix which you will have to Google but is awesome to manage your Netflix queue. Cheerio.

MLB Front Office featuring Billy Beane

Wow. This is real. I saw this advertisement and I really thought it'd be a link to the Onion or something. But instead it is a game where you can customize your own GM and make decisions and then watch games play out. Their selling point is that finally you get to live your dream job! What kid says, "I want to be an MLB GM when I grow up!"

I am not even joking but I would rather play "Douchebag Agent 2k9 featuring Scott Boras."

Awesome painting

A friend of mine sent this awesome painting today. This is the best thing I have seen in months in like 6 different ways. I am really tired of reading known idiots talk about change just because Obama said it. We get it, he's great. My favorite part of this painting is Tupac on the left, but then when you really look at it there is at least 4 or 5 things that are just as wonderful. Enjoy, hopefully this will own this soon.

Friday, January 16, 2009

Who doesn't want to kill this woman?

How classy. If you are not willing to leave a decent tip, go eat at a buffet. I hope the other buffaloes trample this woman.

(Blog idea stolen from the Opie and Anthony show)

Top 10 Movie Heels #1: Billy Mitchell

Billy Mitchell from "The King of Kong" is the only person on my list that is more controversial than the abortion issue, and for this he is my #1 heel. Billy Mitchell is 100% the definition of a heel, and what makes him even greater is that he is a real guy and not the work of a screen writer. It is unimaginable that a real life person could possess such heel like characteristics. Billy hypes himself up more than even a pro wrestler would, he cheated to keep his title, and cowered away from his competition, all great classic heel traits. Billy has a cult following, and "The King of Kong" has cemented his place in the heel Hall of Fame.

Top 10 Movie Heels #2: The Joker

Ok, so obviously I am referring to Heath Ledger's Joker. Ok, I know this pick is a little hacky, and I could care less if dead Heath wins the Oscar, it would not be heart warming or awesome, but let's be honest, he was awesome as the Joker and he somehow made Jack Nichalson's Joker seem irrelevant. The Joker was chilling and made me want to watch the movie over and over. For this I give you my hack pick for #2, Heath Ledger's Joker.

Top 10 Movie Heels #3: Ernie McCracken

Ah "Kingpin" another underrated comedy. I did not see many great movies in 2008, but I will say that 2008 was an Ernie McCracken killer. If I made this list in 2007, he would have easily been numero uno. With his ridiculous rose ball and his over the top taunting, McCracken is a classic heel. In many ways he is more of a heel than the top 2, but all of the top 3 are leaps and bounds above the rest. Ernie McCracken is the definition of heel.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Top 10 Movie Heels #4: Jacobim Mugatu

"Zoolander" is one of my favorite comedies of all time. A lot of people have given me guff about that (excuse my language) but I stand behind this statement. "Zoolander" may not have the best dialogue or the most intelligent jokes but it sure takes the prize for ridiculousness, and having a great heel. Mugatu is a flashy dresser, sinister, and more importantly carries around a small dog to complete the package. In my wildest dreams I could not come up with a more absurd idea for a movie heel. By sheer entertainment value he would contest for the top spot, but within the context of this list, he is not a big enough asshole to be #1. "Zoolander" and Mugatu will always hold a special spot in my awful heart, Mugatu will come in as #4. RELAX.

Top 10 Movie Heels #5: Darth Vader

There is not much to say here. Darth Vader is probably the greatest Villain ever in a movie, but he was not over the top enough for me to consider him a true enough heel to be #1. Also Anakin Skywalker's appearances probably cost him a few points as well. No matter how bad ass he is, you have to figure that whiny bitch is somewhere deep within him.

Top 10 Movie heels #6: Bill the Butcher

I haven't seen "Gangs of New York" in a really long time, but what I do remember is two things that made me love Bill the Butcher. He was one of the most badass assholes I have ever seen in a movie, and he was trying to kill Leonardo DiCaprio. Both great traits to have in my book. I will admit that I like most of the movies Leo is in, but if I was a sadistic killer and saw his face, I would probably want to make a Leo intestine necklace too. Anyway, I went and looked up some quotes because it has been so long since I have seen this movie, and this one seems fitting:

"[taps his glass eye with a knife] I know your works. You are neither cold nor hot. So because you are lukewarm, I will spew you out of my mouth. You can build your filthy world without me. I took the father. Now I'll take the son. You tell young Vallon I'm gonna paint Paradise Square with his blood. Two coats. I'll festoon my bedchamber with his guts. As for you, Mr. Tammany-fucking-Hall, you come down to the Points again, and you'll be dispatched by my own hand. Get back to your celebration and let me eat in peace."

Anyone who wants to paint major parts of a city with blood is a sweet heel.

Top 10 Movie Heels #7: Hannibal Lecter

My #7 heel, I want to point out is the Hannibal Lecter of "Silence of the Lambs" fame, not "Hannibal" Hanibal Lecter, and especially not "Red Dragon" Hannibal Lecter. Not that those movies were excessively bad or that he was not a heel, but there is just something more impressive about the mind games Hannibal played in "Silence of the Lambs." Not to mention that it was comical that Hannibal was supposedly younger in the "Red Dragon" movie. Maybe they should have waited a few more years for better CGI. Also, let's not forget the unreasonably bad "Hannibal Rising", I expected Hannibal to break out in dance with an umbrella turning it into a musical during that awful film.

Hannibal Lecter of "Silence of the Lambs" used dialogue to play such intense mind games with Clarice that she grew to respect him. His delivery,intelligence and disregard for human life made him one of the best movie heels ever.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Marvin Harrsion: Street Warrior

A must read for fans of football/comedy


My favorite excerpt:

When police paid a follow-up visit to Chuckie's, they found Harrison sitting in a beach chair near a cardboard cutout of himself in a Colts uniform. They asked if there were any guns on the premises, and to their surprise Harrison lifted the leg of his jeans to reveal a registered .22-caliber handgun strapped to his ankle. Soon after, a man whom Harrison called his stepfather handed over the Belgian pistol, fully loaded.

Top 10 Movie Heels #8: Gaston

It is tough to be a heel in a kids movie, but Gaston of "Beauty and the Beast" is one of my favorite movie heels ever, and #8 on my top 10 list. His drive towards perfection and arrogant nature make him extremely hateable and really annoying, but annoying in a way that fans of movie heels cannot ignore. Everyone knows the Beast was a queer, I was rooting for Gaston.

Top 10 Movie Heels #9: Alonzo Harris

A lot of people have argued that Denzel should not have won his Oscar for his role in "Training Day" but for previous roles. Maybe that is true, but after being so used to Denzel playing the good guy, it was pretty sweet to see him act like a complete fucking asshole cop. Alonzo did not show an ounce of remorse or integrity throughout the entire film, and is one of the most hateable characters I have ever seen in a movie. He did drugs, extorted money for arrest warrants, and screamed out great lines including the famous "King Kong aint got shit on me!" Also factor in Denzel was born and raised in my home town Mt. Vernon, NY and Alonzo was an easy pick for my top 10.

Top 10 Movie Heels #10 Patrick Bateman

"You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood."

This quote pretty much sums up the greatness that is "American Psycho" main character, Patrick Bateman. It is tough for me to put him at number 10, but I have to clear up my idea of a heel here. Bateman is the sickest of the heels on the list, but to be a great heel is to be a great asshole. On a side note, Patrick Bateman is such a lovable heel to me that I have named my fantasy football teams after him for the past 7 years. His dialogue about Genesis and Phil Collins is some of the funniest and most disturbing dialogue in movie history, and his senseless cruel killing makes him sweet in my book. Remember "Don't just stare at it, eat it." You have to love Patrick Bateman.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Windows 7

I am as excited to download this Beta as one could be for an OS I suppose.I hope this is what is promised, so far I have heard good things. There are a lot of Windows haters out there, but personally I liked Vista, I just thought it was an unreasonably heavy Operating System. Microsoft needs to establish themselves as innovators in computing once again. With Google and dumb Apple making huge strides last year, I hope they are finally going to make a big mark. My review should be here in a few days :)

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

You know what would be disgusting?

Imagine if you had a piece of paper towel that never ripped, and you constantly cleaned up spills and various debris and had to try to clean the paper towel every time. That would be pretty gross and for just $19.99 this can be a reality for you if you act now.

Last week I was cashing in on a Bed Bath and Beyond gift card I received from my mother, and I came across the ShamWow. I had extra money on the card, and the commercial seemed like it would be magical so I bought the ShamWow. Now, I did expect the ShamWow to be a little bit of a let down, I have heard it wasn't that great, but what I did not expect was to own the worst product ever. I defy you to buy something worse.

What I found to be awesome about the commercial was that the guy just did all this crazy cleaning and rung out the ShamWow and bam all the shit was gone like magic! In real life, debris sticks to the ShamWow as if there is some magical dust magnet ingrained into the fibers. It is nearly impossible to clean, and I got to the point where I just threw it out in a fit of rage rather than even try to clean anything any longer. Oh also, if you gently rest the towel on a spill it doesn't suck it up like a vacuum so I am not sure how that isn't false advertising.

On the surface, a reusable substitute for paper towel sounded cool, but in reality why would you want this? Also on the commercial, the guy says you are going to spend $20 on paper towel a month anyway! Who is he trying to sell the ShamWow to, a car wash? Currently the status of the ShamWow in my home is, one was thrown out and one is being used as a door mat. Way to go ShamWow for creating the worst product ever and tricking me into buying it with your devilishly convincing commercials.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Apple Lovers Rejoice

Citi Field Dream

The other night I was talking to some friends about how I never remember dreams. It has been at least 6 months since I remembered my last dream, well last night I finally remembered a bizarre one. 

Somehow I received tickets to opening day at Citi Field, and what a unique stadium it was. When you get off the 7 Train you are now strapped into a roller coaster harness. You ride the roller coaster track into the stadium and into the position of where your seat is. That's right, Citi field has replaced traditional baseball seats with an orange roller coaster track. 

Seemingly there was a fade out in my dream because the next thing I remember I was out of my harness and on field level. At this point I then realized the flaw in the Mets plan. Once you get up to use the bathroom there is no way to get back to your roller coaster seat! Well this made perfectly logical sense in my dream, but as an after thought I am not sure how I got down either. 

I then figured I should go to the bathroom on ground level. Once I got into the bathroom a guy in a business suit was urinating and decided to throw the urinal water at me. I dodged him and then ran to the sink and swatted the sink water at him and then ran away. When I got outside he somehow had a water bottle and I tried to hide, and then threw the bottle of water at me. He got me good, and I had a feeling of anger but shook his hand anyway. I then woke up.  

Monday, January 5, 2009

The Slap heard around the world

About a month ago I was out at a bar with my friends, and the lovable Dennis made a slap bet with my friend Ryan. It was some  ridiculous bet with the odds stacked way in Ryan's favor so you would think Dennis was drunk, but no not a drop of alcohol. Since Ryan loves to ring in the New Year in style and class he refrained from cashing in at the bar and saved the spoils for New Years. 

Ok, so being slapped in the face in my opinion has to be one of the worst things that could ever happen to a person. I have been punched in the face by Ryan without getting angry, but I am not sure I could take part in a slap bet. I feel like if I was slapped in the face by another man, I would not even be able to process the situation and would just attack. So the question of the day, would you rather be punched in the face hard or bitch slapped?