Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Friday Night Lights the musical

This is my latest get famous scheme that I will never follow through with. I will write a musical and play the role of Brian "Smash" Williams. I know I am white, but I think it will work. Who is with me? Also, I believe since Friday Night Lights is being picked up for another 2 seasons I am going to write a large series of Friday Night Lights blogs. Not sure if I should go back and rewatch them and write recaps, or just star in season 4.

This series has been great in so many ways. Season 1 was the greatest sports drama I have ever seen, TV or Movies. Season 2, was so bad that is was the greatest unintentionally funny show ever. Season 3 got back on track, who knows what will happen? So should I recap past episodes or start at season 4?? I at least have to write about season 2 where Dillon, Tx fell into bizarro world. 

Monday, March 30, 2009

Emergency: This Book Will Save Your Life

Spoiler alert: This book will not "save your life." I finished reading the above book after like 5 days. It is a really easy read, and an entertaining book. However, all this book did was make me want to read actual survivalist books, because this book barely even scratched the surface on the topic. 

This book taught me one thing. The best way to gain survival skills is to get a book deal allowing you to write a book about gaining survival skills. Neil Strauss comes across as a self centered braggart in the book, that acts like we all have unlimited free time. He tries to relate to the common man by reiterating he is not rich a thousand times. While this may true, he is certainly fairly well off, and definitely has more free time than most people. 

The book is a series of anecdotes on how Neil Strauss learned to be a man. While this was fairly interesting, I don't believe I really learned any practical skills in the book, all it did was act as a reference for other more useful reading. I can't say it was a bad book, because it did have me second guessing my country. Strauss does make some good points on how highly we rely on the system, and the book did make me want to go out and buy a gun, and some survival books. Early on in the book you want to roll your eyes and call Strauss  douche, but by the end you kind of relate to at least the premise of not trusting the government fully. I recommend the book, simply because the topic is really interesting, and important in today's world. 

Friday, March 27, 2009

The MTA sucks

The MTA in New York raised their monthly ticket price from $81 to $103 today, and it is infuriating. How does a state run company lose their profits in investments? Just make your money and put it back into the transit system! The goal shouldn't even be to turn a huge profit, they are providing a service. When is the revolution going to happen? When things get better you know they aren't going to lower the prices. They are just sticking it to the people slowly, and the people should become sick and tired of this. Maybe Obama should slap the State officials around and deliver some of that change he talked about. We just let the government do whatever the want to us, isn't that why we revolted against England in the first place? 

Thursday, March 26, 2009

I hate Juliet's Face

I believe the world is ending, because I have nothing to write about at all that I think is a good idea, so I will go with a bad idea, and write about Juliet's face on Lost. I am hoping I am not stepping on any toes here, but I am fairly certain he did not make Dennis' illustrious top 50 (white) women list. If she did, I apologize, but her face is really unlikeable. No matter what she does on the show, she still comes off as a "real bitch on wheels." I suspect she cannot be a joy in real life because you don't get those bitch wrinkles in your face from no where. This post is already running out of steam, but the bottom line is I just want to punch Juliet in the head. That is all I have for now. If Facebook stops being slow I will post my elementary school pictures and make fun of myself later. 

On a side note, Ben being shot was pretty awesome last night. Is he dead or what? 

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Obama Special Olympics joke

Ironically, dishonest liberal America is now targeting Barack Obama. If you missed it, Barack Obama went on Jay Leno's show last week, and made a joke comparing his bowling to the Special Olympic. For a brief moment, a politician went on television and acted like a regular guy. That isn't allowed. 

The liberal media has let us know time and time again that it is unacceptable to make a joke that any honest human being in America would make. The Special Olympics is no laughing matter. In this country, we are supposed to pretend that the athletes in the Special Olympics are ultra talented, and never make any hints towards the reality that everyone understand. That in actuality they stink. 

I am all for people doing whatever they want. The Special Olympics make "mentally challenged" people feel good about themselves, that is great. However, I am not a fan of not being able to make jokes whenever we want to. It was refreshing to see Obama act like an actual guy, and I think it should be ok to be honest in the United States of America. 

Monday, March 23, 2009

For The Love of Ray J

I was at the gym today, and I decided to jog to the TV. I popped on VH1 to see what awful show was on, and it was a show I never saw before. "For the Love of Ray J". All I knew about Ray J was that he was most famous for having sexual intercourse with Kim Kardashian who is famous for being rich and having sex with Ray J and filiming it. Before summing up the show I want to add that in my research I have learned a couple things:

1) Despite his boasts at the beginning of the show, Ray J is not that successful as a recording artist. 

2) Ray J was the guy from Moesha. 

I thought maybe Ray J was a multi platinum recording artist, and black people were keeping him secret. Turns out he does alright for himself, but in the end he doesn't have the charm of say Chris Brown to launch him into super stardom. 

Ok so I will admitt in the past year I have watched my share of trash television. I watch "Keeping up with the Kardashian's" from time to time, and my fiance loves "The Girls Next Door" so I end up watching that a bit. These shows, while trash tv, are at least interesting. Both focus around skeezy girls that are so self involved that it is comical. 

"For the Love of Ray J" has to be the worst reality show I have ever seen, and Ray J, that isn't an insult. The problem with this show is that Ray J is probably the most normal guy ever to be a star of a reality show. When I turn on awful television I want to see train wrecks, not some R&B singer calmly talk over problems with some girl. Also on a side note, the casting for the girls seems a little too picky too. Even the most ghetto girls on this show are still classier than any of the girls on "Flava of Love." Anyway, "For the Love of Ray J" is a boring ass show. I expect more from a guy with a sex tape floating around. That is all I have for now, this entire entry was more or less the protective shell surrounding a Chris Brown joke. 

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Is the Philly Cheesesteak the greatest hero ever?

I am not sure whether to call it a sandwich, so I just said hero so that it includes all hero's and not just hot hero's. I had probably the greatest Philly Cheesesteak I have ever had last night at a place called "Joy Burger" on the Upper East side of New York City. It was the most delicious sandwich I have had in months. Earlier in the day, I had a great Italian Hero as well. Question of the day is, what is the greatest hero ever? I think I would go with Philly Cheesesteak, but I am sure my sissy friends who only eat chicken or vegetables will interject. WHAT UP RYAN. 

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

The fallacy of clutch hitting

I have been reluctant to write this post, because most people who will read my blog could probably care less. For the few that do care, this is a debate that has raged on since "Moneyball" by Michael Lewis took the world by storm. I am not going to post stats here because that is boring, what I will do is post my angle on the debate, and why I think "Moneyball" works, especially in this case. 

I feel that clutch hitting does not exist because the idea of clutch hitting is an emotionally driven concept. Baseball more than any other sport is a numbers driven game. When fans argue baseball they talk about batting average, homeruns, slugging percentage, On Base Perecentage, etc. This is all easily quantifiable information. If David Wright hits 32 Homeruns in 2008, it would be pretty disappointing if he wasn't in the same neighborhood in 2009. 

With all the stats that fly around in a baseball debate, the idea of a hitter being clutch always enters the argument. Is David Wright clutch? This is the question being debated after the World Baseball Classic winning hit against Puerto Rico. A lot of sports writers in the past, have written Wright off, saying he is not clutch. My question is, what does that even mean?

My argument against clutch hitting is that it is a completely emotional concept. If you are watching a great game, and a guy comes up and belts a game winning homer, you are going to say, "Wow, what a clutch hit!" Now if you see a guy do that 3 or 4 times in a season, he is considered a "clutch hitter." But how do you really quantify that? I looked at David Wright's stats, and last year he had 79 "high pressure AB's" which I believe is defined as trailing after the 7th inning with runners in scoring position. 79 AB's is not really a lot of AB's and honestly how many of those games are really important or against division rivals? The idea of clutch hitting is based on such a small sampling of a baseball players season that I don't think you can judge a player based on those stats. 

79 AB's represents about 20 games worth of a player's season. Would you call David Wright a bad hitter if he hits .220 in his first 20 games? Probably not, but if he hits .220 in "clutch situations" then he is a bad clutch hitter. Logically that makes absolutely no sense, that is why clutch hitting isn't based on logic but the pure emotion of a spectator, that is why I believe clutching hitting does not exist. 

Lastly, baseball more than any other sport should be analyzed by logic and numbers. If you watcha  basketball game, it is possible for one star to take over a game and lead his team to victory. In football the same offensive players have a shot every down of making a big play. In baseball, you have to wait your turn to make a difference, and it is considered great to succeed 30% of the time. That is why "Moneyball" works so well. Fans love to pretend it is not about the numbers, they say Derek Jeter has "intangibles" or David Ortiz is "clutch." Those are emotional concepts, and it is not smart to mix emotion and baseball. 

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

New York Post not in favor of Jets winning football games

According to the "New York Post" Signing Jay Cutler is a bad idea.  
The Post always makes me laugh. They act like the Jets have options. I would cream my pants if I were the Jets and had a 5% chance to trade for Cutler. Who are they going to use, that guy who sucked too much to start so they traded for Brett Favre. His name escapes me, as it should. Don't listen to the "New York Post" Jets, go for it, your D is going to be spectacular. 

Monday, March 16, 2009

Funniest man alive on Jimmy Fallon

I found this especially interesting because he called Jimmy Fallon a hack in the recent past, and this is the first time they have seen each other. Enjoy. 

Friday, March 13, 2009

Resident Evil 5

My favorite game series is back today. Can't wait. That is all I have to say about that. Coop anyone? 

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Win a chance to bowl with subpar basketball players!

Who the hell is bidding tons of money to bowl with Chris Duhon and Nate Robinson? Though I bet Nate would be cool to hang out with, the Knicks are not good enough yet to auction time with their average players. Maybe this would be hot if Lebron played in New York. Maybe Isaiah Thomas is coaching the bowling team? 

You gotta be handy with the steel if you know what I mean

Was listening to my Pandora station this morning (www.Pandora.com)  and this song came on. Does it get any better than Regulate by Warren G? Unfortunately I could not embed. Also this is my 100th post you have been privileged enough to read.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

One of my favorite O&A bits of late (especially for sports fans)


Pirates and Ninjas

What do these two things have in common? They have both overstayed their comedic welcome. If I have to hear one more hack joke about pirates or ninjas I am going to kill myself. Both were funny for about 1 joke. Talk like a Pirate Day is not funny it is dumb, unless you are talking in a Nigerian accent holding an RPG in a British guys face. Ninja jokes have all already been done also, so don't even try. Ok well that is all I have on that right now, but this is something that has annoyed me for like 2 years now. 

Britney Spears is endless entertainment

Remember when she was the innocent pop star? Please listen until the end. 

"This is so wrong"

LMAO hat tip to Dikran for this. 

It is messed up in reality, but you are lying if that isn't just a little funny to you. 

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

How long do we give Obama

To do something good?

His stimulus package was garbage, I don't even think liberals can support it with what is going on now, but how long until people expect results? I am not the biggest Obama fan, but he seems like a smart guy that I like to hear talk, and he IS the President so I hope things work out. Does he get a year? 2 years? I haven't lived through a recession. I have no idea. 

Kat Williams is a hack

Am I the only one who thinks Kat Williams is the biggest hack ever? I have heard all of these jokes from every black or hispanic comic. It is so unclever. At least Kings of Comedy was original at the time. He is like the vultron of those guys, but way less interesting. Everything is a cliche.
Be more original!

Monday, March 9, 2009

The entire music industry is in shambles

"Opie and Anthony" were seemingly fired this morning from Krock in New York City because rock music anchored the station into the ground. I am a big fan of O&A, but moreover I have been meaning to blog about how outdated the business model is for music. I have friends who believe that downloading an album is stealing, and wrong. While this may be true, I think the point is completely irrelevant. 

The problem with music and radio is that technology has advanced rapidly, and the industry has not kept up on the business end of things. When tape recorders were invented people were worried that people would just tape the songs they liked off of the radio and stop buying music. Businesses adjusted accordingly and prevailed. Why is now different? 

Radio is the perfect example of an antiquated business model. Pop music is easy to promote. There is a certain template for look and sound that when put together always sells. You find these artists, plaster their pictures all over, and play their songs to death on pop stations. This model still seems to work, and people still listen to these stations. Other types of artists by nature are not as marketable. In the case at hand, KROCK was a rock station, but why listen to KROCK? They play songs from famous bands that everyone owns on their iPods, and when was the last time a band got famous off the radio? Maybe I am out of touch, but it seems like self promotion on the Internet has worked a lot better than the radio. In a digital age where there are programs that recommend music to us based on our likes and dislikes, how can you not adjust? How can you just play the same songs and expect people to listen? 

Then you have record sales. I get the stealing point. In theory you are taking something that doesn't belong to you, but back when Cd's ruled the land would you question a free CD from a friend? Times have changed. There is a new kink in the business model but rather than adapt to make money with a new business model, record labels are hanging on to whatever they can in hopes to squeeze out as much cash as possible from the dying industry. Should people feel bad about stealing from a guy in a suit who can't adjust with the times? That sounds cliche but I don't know how else to write it. I have no interest in fighting the man. That is not what this is about. What I do have a problem with is the fact the record industry feels like we owe them something. Encyclopedia salesmen don't have a job either and you don't see anyone complaining. 

"Opie and Anthony" sparked these thoughts today, but they are a talk show. Rather than value original content, radio and record labels insist on telling us what music we should like still. Those days are over, and I am happy that current technology makes it easier to think for ourselves and find good music we like. 

Friday, March 6, 2009

Louis C.K. on Conan

He is the best, and I always talk about how amazing it is that like 20 years ago people had to take like money out for the whole weekend on a Friday. <3

Should I be offended by Adsense?

This is showing as the ad on my page right now in case it goes away. I guess the topics I am interested in equated to living in trailer parks. 

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Family Matters treadmill bomb episode

Lately, I have been obsessed with awful family sitcoms from the 90's. These shows are so bad I am thinking of creating a separate blog just dedicated to recaps of these awful television shows. Last night as I was trying to sleep I saw one of my all time favorite "Family Matters" episodes. In this episode Carl went to workout at a gym that makes my New York Sports Club look like paradise. He gets on the treadmill, and has to tell the machine a special pass phrase to get it going. Does this even exist now? This treadmill looked like the most basic treadmill you could buy, yet it had voice recognition built in, in 1996. Then he finally yells "Stallion" as his passphrase, and the laugh track erupted because obviously that is funny. The machine starts up, and starts talking to him saying there is a bomb in the machine and if he stops running it will go off. That is funny too because he is fat, in case you forgot or don't get the outrageous nature of family comedy. 

So anyway at this point the audience is asked to accept the fact that in the mid 90's this crappy looking treadmill has the ability to recognize Carl Winslow's voice, and also somehow has the ability to understand when he steps off the treadmill. This seems as if it would take a ton of tampering to the treadmill that would be noticeable but whatever, who am I to rain on ABC's parade? I mean, it is all about the laughs right? So Carl's boss comes into the gym after it evacuates and they go through a scenario where Carl gets tired cause he is fat, and then the old white Lieutenant gets on and gets a cramp, and then Carl has to jump back on. Also keep in mind they did not even bother to make it so that there was always a person on the machine, it was really sloppy and had this technology existed in 1996, and gone unnoticed I am sure they would be dead. Anyway, so hijinx ensue and eventually Carl tells the Lieutenant to cut one particular wire and he does and they don't die. The end. 

Another classic Family sitcom episode in the books. Oh how I miss this formula. Stupid reality TV. 

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Back to the Future

After about a year of references to "Back to the Future" on the "Opie and Anthony" show, I finally decided to rewatch Back to the future this week. I haven't seen this since I was like 12, and man what a hilarious movie it is. The best part is that the jokes are so wonderfully subtle, and tailored towards funny people. The language in the movie was great for a PG film, and the overly ridiculous characters are a real work of art. My favorite parts include: 

-Doc Brown wearing a protective suit with the Radioactive logo on it while using stolen Plutonium. 

-The phrase "Libyan(corrected by Mike ::) ) Nationalists"

-Biff's crew calling the black musicians spooks and reefer addicts in a PG film. 

-Attempted rape of Lorraine McFly in a PG film. 

-Crispin Glover in general. 

-Michael J. Fox's portrayal of a cool kid in the 80's. 

Anyway, just watch the movie again if you haven't in years, it is worth it. 

Street Fighter IV

I have been bad with blogging this week due to the release of Street Fighter IV. Those who do not own a copy should get one immediately. In my opinion it is the best Street Fighter to date, and the most addicting fighting game I have played. Since Friday I have logged over 24 hours of Gameplay. I also ordered a fight pad from Mad Catz because the Xbox 360 controller is pretty awful. I have one topic I want to write about, and also a Lost draft planned where my friends and I will draft a team of Lost survivors and post it on our blogs, but both are too time consuming to start today. Stay tuned. 

Monday, March 2, 2009

Mike Francesa is a boob

Does anyone know where a place on the internet that has documented all of the stupid things this guy has said? He always claims to have the inside source on things and then proceeds to lie about shit. He called David Wright immature for not wanting to meet with him. David Wright never shuns the media, the Mets just hate Francesa because he lied about saying Ryan Church hated New York. He is just a dolt. As much as I hate Maddog too for hating the Mets at least he knew what he was talking about and had a personality. Mike Francesa's show sounds like a eulogy.