Friday, September 25, 2009

How I wish I lived in the 80's

A time where the ridiculous begged to be taken seriously

Monday, September 21, 2009

NFL Week 2 thoughts (Bateman's Fantasy Edition)

For now on I am only going to write about my XFL league because that is really the only Fantasy League I care about and my ESPN team seems like a bust at this point.

Here are my ups and downs for week 2 Fantasy wise, followed by a few NFL tidbits.


-Andre Johnson was back in week 2 and now I remember why he is a constant presence on my fantasy teams. Johnson is an amazing fantasy player that seems to catch anything.

-DeSean Jackson strikes again. The only thing I worry about with Jackson is that he is a Home Run threat, but so far not much else. As long as he continues to deliver TDs he is a great fantasy pick.

-Brent Celek had a nice receiving game. I think he should be a big target in the Eagles offense, and he was the TE I wanted the most in pre-season.

-Lee Evans started to look like the Lee Evans I expect to see playing every week. I think as the season progresses, TO should allow Evans to score a lot easier than he did in the past. Logic says he should be a fantasy monster, especially if that line holds up.

-Ray Rice gets a lot of touches. He is also a better receiver than McGahee is, and McGahee has been a pretty strong receiver in his career.

-Detroit is running their offense through Kevin Smith.

-Carson Palmer looked like the gunslinger of past seasons Sunday.


-I did not start DeSean Jackson or Carson Palmer (I still won though).

-Neither Ray Rice nor Kevin Smith look like they will score many TD's.

-Giants defense is giving up a lot of points, and made Marion Barber look like a real superstar.

Ok, so my players aside I would like to talk about NY football.

The Jets defense looked absolutely amazing, and the Pats offensive line looked terrible. Hopefully this means a division title for the Jets. It is early still, but Mark Sanchez looks like a veteran and the Jets are having some fun. As much as I love to hate my friends' teams, for some reason I cannot hate the Jets. They feel like the Giants little brother or something, and they are an exciting team.

Giants defense looked pretty horrendous, but the offense is making up for it by being way better than you'd imagine. Eli looks like a top 5 QB the first 2 weeks, and the receivers are starting to seem like an upgrade from Plaxico. What a great sight to see, Eli looking calm and in synch with his receivers.

Mario Manningham looks like a Superstar, and Steve Smith is as reliable as you can get. The running attack was stifled a little yesterday, but I am not worried about them. If the defense comes around I think the Giants could make a nice run. I believe it is possibly a good year for New York football.

This is old but it is some of the greatest audio I have ever heard

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Jessica Simpson Wants Dog back from Coyote

I know I am late on this, but this is an amazing story. Even without her silly posters asking if you seen her dog, the fact a coyote came right in front of her and stole the dog is amazing enough.

I mean I have seen pitbulls walk up to small dogs and bite the shit out of them, I can't believe that a coyote stole her dog and it was in a state where she felt it was possibly still alive.

Then after all of that, she makes a sign asking if you have seen her dog. Well I haven't, but I am pretty sure it is dead Jessica. If you wanted the dog so bad you would have punched the dog in the face like I am sure Pink would have (Yes, Pink is alive, more on that later if I feel like it) because she is a tough broad!

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

You Dropped Something

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

This is really terrible but LOL what a backfire

NFL Week 1 thoughts (Bateman's Fantasy Edition)

After dropping to 0-1 in both of my leagues I am a little annoyed but still confident.

Let downs:

Carson Palmer - BoOoOoOooo, I took Palmer in the middle rounds of my fantasy draft thinking he would be a real steal since he is finally healthy. Through week 1 I was really wrong, and last I checked the Denver defense wasn't AMAZING, so it QB1 could be a rough spot for the Bateman's fantasy Dynasty.

Andre Johnson - What up dawg?!? He is probably the most constant variable on my fantasy teams every year, but he didn't get it done in week 1.

Lee Evans: It is not a good sign that the Bills almost beat the Patriots and TO and Evans combine for less catches than Steve Smith of NY Giants fame.

D$Mania: Trying to get the nickname Hunky QB to stick when no one wants to go with it.

LT: I expected the old LT. He looked fine, but not the man I remember a few years ago.

Thumbs up:

Ray Rice: Pretty good week 1 besides not scoring any TD's. New LT being born?

Desean Jackson: He did what I expected him to . Make plays. However he is not going to run a kick back every week so he better start catching some more balls.

Ahmad Bradshaw: He is way better than Derrick Ward. He comes in and the offense doesn't lose much of its power, Ward ran much softer. Great fantasy bench player.

Kevin Smith: About what I expected.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Only in America

Would adults be up in arms about the treatment of a 17 year old pop hack. Listen, Kanye is a dick, everyone knows Kanye is a dick, but he is a pretty entertaining dick.

You know what everyone is talking about today? Kanye West.

I love Kanye though, because unlike most people I take pop culture for what it is, a ridiculous cluster fuck that begs to not be taken seriously.

It is beyond me how anyone could give two shits about Taylor Swift. I mean I get it, you think I wouldn't want that happening to me or someone I love, etc. But seriously, she is probably really rich, and she doesn't do anything extraordinary. She writes hack pop songs and watches the money come in.

If anything Kanye's biggest sin is that he took the dumb VMA awards seriously enough to argue against an award that had nothing to do with him.

Why is there even a VMA awards? What is this 2002? When was the last time you watched a music video? COME ON. What happened in the world where we need to take Beyonce Knowles seriously?!?

Everyone on Facebook was like, Beyonce did a great thing!

Oh really. I did not see it, but I am pretty sure she did not do anything that should go under the blanket of great yesterday. Oh wow how great, she defended another awful pop star!!!

Our country is sinking and this is what people are worried about. UGH.

You know what makes good news, unstable people. Thanks Kanye and Lady Gaga for making entertainment unboring.

The internet is invaded by people who suck

Notice the 5 Star rating

Scottie Pippen Osama Bin Laden

I like to play "celebrity look alike" with my friends, and usually it is just picking people out of a bar that looks like a celeb. However, Jim Jeffries raised the bar with his line "I am tired of Osama Bin Laden looking like Scottie Pippen" line on the "Opie and Anthony" radio show. Pretty uncanny/hilarious. I look to some day beat this comparison.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

America's Got Talent Update Part 2

This guy is legitimately amazing so I figured I should point that out.

Also they are really talented, but they just sing so that is boring.

America's Got Talent Update

Ok, so I just want to rant about how much I hate Barbara Padilla. Everyone likes this fraudulent bitch that gets on TV and makes her fake "I am so touched face." Dry up your crocodile tears you fraud. Am I supposed to buy the story that some Mexican immigrant just happens to be good at Opera singing? No way, I guarantee she is some fake rich bitch who has hundreds of hours of lessons under her belt.

I admit that though I know nothing about opera singing, she is probably really great. I mean she sounds like she would be great in that world, but Opera Singers are pretty fucking boring. It is really tough to be a physicist but I wouldn't want to watch someone do that on tv either.

One act I loved that no one did was the Footwork Kingz. I mean they danced to the Power Rangers theme and are ghetto, what is not to like? HOW DO YOU NOT LOVE THAT?!?!?

Lastly, my favorite from this side of the semi finals remains Jeffrey Ou who is just hilarious in like 10 different ways. He is what they call "a real character." He fucked up a bunch of times but is so hilarious that he keeps getting voted back. He is one of the most amazing people ever. I want him to win the whole thing on a joke.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

<3 Crazy Athletes

VIA Metsblog on Mike Pelfrey

Pelfrey left the mound, Lennon explains, and:

“He stormed into the clubhouse, where he switched his uniform for running gear, and then left the stadium… Once he found himself standing in the middle of the parking lot, Pelfrey began running laps, each about 13 blocks long, as his teammates struggled through the late innings of an 8-3 loss to Colorado."

RIP Acrodunk

Acrodunk Monday

So the most talented act IMO is now eliminated from America's Got Talent in favor of a troop of dancing sisters. America is dumb, but Kevin Skinner is still in so everyone should vote for him. This is your Wednesday trash TV update.

Coming soon:

Dancing with the Stars

Ultimate Fighter Heavyweights

Biggest Loser (still not sure if I am going to watch this, I never have, but the giant fat woman this year is enticing)

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

How is this any less concerning than the Patriot Act?

Emergency Internet Control

I know it is the Senate and not Obama that is trying to pass this, but ethically how is this different than "The Patriot Act"?

What is a cyber emergency?

Who is qualified to declare a cyber emergency?

Is this in direct relation to the town hall meetings the Obama administration is upset about?

I know everyone thinks Barack Obama is perfect, but how is it that this is barely a news story?

Why didn't Hitler have a handle bar mustache?

I believe I have written about this before, but as far as I know the "Hitler mustache" is the only retired facial hair style ever. It really sucks though, because it is a pretty sweet look. I mean check out Charlie Chaplin. Let's be serious.

Why couldn't Hitler have a handlebar mustache?

There is no way you can take a person serious that has a handle bar mustache, but people still wear it.

Kevin Skinner

You have to love this guy