Wednesday, December 31, 2008

WWE The Good 'ol Days: Part 3 - Kamala Blog

I was going to leave Kamala as the last post, and who knows maybe this will be the last post of this series (depending on how lazy I get) but this has to be the most offensive wrestling character of them all. It all started when explorer Kim Chee traveled to Uganda for God knows what? So Kim Chee was exploring with only a torch at night for some reason and came across a giant tribesman. He was startled, but rather than run away forever he did what any good archaeologist would, he captured the giant black man, quit his career in archaeology, joined forces with Mr. Fuji and brought the giant black man to the WWF so he could be his valet. 

As offensive as reenacting slavery is, it didn't end there. Kamala wandered the ring completely confused by his surroundings wearing ridiculous body paint and holding a spear that he often put in his mouth. You ever tell or hear a spear joke? Well from what I remember they don't go over too well in mixed company, yet somehow 15 years ago this was an ongoing visual joke in the WWF

To top it off, I did a quick google search on Uganda just to see if any of the people even come close to resembling Kamala and nope not even close. Every person that came up on my search was thin and none of them wore body paint. I believe that painting moons and stars on your body are a product of genius WWF racism and not based in reality. After writing a few of these, my favorite theme is that the WWF never did any research, they simply had some ridiculous stereotype in their heads and went with it. I imagine they never envisioned a world where you could just run a search and see reality in a matter of seconds. Kamala gets my vote for most racist WWF character ever, but I think it is more amazing they talked a black guy into doing this. 

Friday, December 26, 2008

WWE the Good 'Ol Days: Part 2

Ah we have gone through a crazy time under President George Bush. We have been overwhelmed by incompetence, and watched our country and other nations get attacked by Islamic fundamentalists. However, even acts of terrorism cannot overcome political correctness in entertainment. Sure using a stereotype like The Iron Sheik can be offensive, but to the target audience of wresting fans it was pure gold. The evil Iranian vs. Sergeant Slaughter, a decorated war veteran, ah, what a treat for the fans! What amazes me more than anything is that people were shocked wrestling was fake in the 80's. How could you think these were legit characters and story lines? Maybe if they start really fighting in the ring, we can fight off terrorism in the squared circle once again. 

Is Eric Mangini a good coach?

I think the mindset of most NFL teams is that if you bring in a coach that is in any way affiliated with Bill Parcells, it will equal wins for your franchise. Historically this has been pretty accurate. Mangini seemed to be cut from the same mold after leading the Jets to a 10-6 season in 2006. Prior to 2006 Mangini only spent 1 year as Defensive coordinator for the New England Patriots, his highest coaching position, which caused many people to question whether or not he was experienced enough to be a head coach. 

Though 2006 was a good year, a few things bothered me about Mangini. I thought he was a good coach that year, but I found it odd that he would not commit to any of his players as starters in the preseason or even week to week. He insisted that everyone needed to earn their jobs on a week to week basis. This always struck me as a bit childish in Pro sports. 

I like the idea of guys being accountable for poor performance on the field, but in the NFL isn't that the case just because there are no guaranteed contracts? If you stink it up, I am all for letting a player go, or benching him, but that doesn't mean you should act like every player is on the same playing field as the next guy and could lose his spot. Chad Pennington for instance may not be the most talented QB, but always showed a huge drive to win games and compete at a high level. I felt like Mangini was just doing this for show, and wanted to create a media buzz that painted him out to be a hard ass just like his mentor Bill Belichick

I am fine with promoting competition, but I feel like guys like Belichick and Tom Coughlin have a much better approach. They both have really strict rules that HAVE to be followed, and develop a situation where the system is more important than any given player. Under their systems I feel like the players don't need to be told their job is on the line because someone with similar skill could easily fill their spot because the system is so strong. It is a privilege to play for those teams. If Mangini created a system of winning, there would be no reason to run the team as if they were a high school football team. 

On top of that, his philosophy seems to have completely gone out the window when Brett Favre showed up. The same guy who promoted week to week competition for the past 2 years let Brett Favre come in and take Chad Pennington's spot without playing a down? Granted they did win more games this year, but Pennington has clearly had a better year than Favre. He has also said that he welcomes Favre back next season, and will give him all the time he needs to decide if he wants to come back. What? What is the backup plan? They have no other QB. It is a bit absurd to me for a guy to go from open competitions all the time to just handing over the QB spot to a legend and insuring he has the spot next season even after a mediocre 2008. 

I feel like Mangini is desperate to prove his worth as a head coach in the NFL, and I question whether any of his past antics were driven by real philosophy or perhaps he just wanted to prove he has his own unique identity. Mangini seems to have a good mind for football, but perhaps it is time he mans up and just tries to win some games. He will never be Bill Belichick but maybe it is good enough to just be Eric Mangini and not worry about what anyone thinks. 

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

WWE The Good 'ol Days Part 1

Ok, I have had a lot less time to post lately so I am going to start this series that should not be that time consuming. I was talking about the old website the other day with my friends, and it inspired this. Lately all I have been amazed at how PC the United States has become to the point where we are afraid to say anything. Remember back when things were so un-PC that the WWF was able to do whatever they wanted and get away with it: Exhibit A:

Akeem the African Dream

Could you imagine nearing the end of 2008 that this was ever an acceptable character in the pro wrestling world? The basis of his character if I remember correctly was that he was hit on the head and developed amnesia. When Akeem awoke, he believed he was a man of African descent and proceeded to shuck and jive in the most stereotypical way possible. His clothes are a ridiculous interpretation of I guess traditional African garb? But surprisingly good ol' Vince McMahon did not have him speak with an African accent, he instead had him speak with an awful "East Harlem" like accent that is offensive to even people like me who think you should do anything for entertainment. I yearn for the days where a fat white guy could become a star by awfully imitating a black man for laughs. 

Friday, December 19, 2008

Just in case you were planning on dying

You might want to check out this link from Costco.

Great deals on dirt naps.

You know when you go to check out in Best Buy they recommend accessories? Maybe Costco recoomends do it yourself embalming kits. 

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Brett Favre? Seriously?

Brett Favre's mediocre season for the Jets has landed him a spot on the AFC Pro Bowl Roster. NI don't think you can credit Favre for the Jets turnaround, and they have not even accomplished anything significant yet. In typical Favre fashion he's thrown a ton of TDs, and a ton of INTs. He has looked awful and great from game to game. I am not saying he is not still a good QB, but even Chad Pennington has been more vital to his team. Below is my list of QBs who are more deserving of a Pro Bowl birth in the AFC. 

Matt Cassel - He has put up almost the same numbers as Favre, has not started since HS, and has won a number of games for the team. 

Chad Pennington - He is playing like he did before Jets fans turned their back on him. 

Phillip Rivers - He has thrown 28 TDs and only 11 Int and has a QB rating over 100. Not his fault his team sucks. 

Ben Roethlisberger - If the reasoning for Eli Manning making the Pro Bowl is that he is playing well on the best team in the NFC why isn't Ben in?

Matt Schaub could also be debated. I just find it crazy that Favre has made the Pro Bowl this year. Talk about making it on name recognition.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Creepy Gym Guy update

Please review the following post if you have no idea what I am talking about. 

Ok, so I went to the gym yesterday and for some reason they allowed Creepy Gym Guy (Notice the capital letters, his title is a proper noun) to work behind the front desk. He has graduated from cleaning toilets and staring at guys junks to scanning membership cards. That sounds fine, and like it would be less creepy but he managed to somehow make this job even more creepy that staring at nude men. He scanned my card yesterday, smiled and said, "Do you need a towel Kenneth, enjoy your workout." He said this in what I believe to be a very deliberately creepy delivery.

Maybe I am being paranoid and he was just being nice, but he now has access to all of my personal information, and I had to use my own smile reading skills to come to the conclusion it is not a normal smile. Hey at least he makes for semi entertaining stories. 

Winter Meetings

The MLB winter meetings have basically become a shopping spree for the Yankees and Mets, and being a New Yorker I really don't have a problem with that. Here is my Sabathia opinion though. I am a Yankee hater, so naturally I will try to find the negatives. Ultimately I think Sabathia helps the Yankees pitching staff greatly, but I do not think he deserves the highest pitching contract ever. Below is a list of arguably the best pitchers in the last 20 years, and a count of how many times they had an ERA under 3 and over 4 in their first 9 full seasons. Here is what Sabathia has allowed:

Seasons with an ERA over 4: 4
Seasons with an ERA below 3: 1

Roger Clemens:
Seasons with an ERA over 4: 1
Seasons with an ERA below 3: 8

Greg Maddux:
Seasons with an ERA over 4: 0
Seasons with an ERA below 3: 6

Pedro Martinez: 
Seasons with an ERA over 4: 0
Seasons with an ERA below 3: 6

Randy Johnson:
Seasons with an ERA over 4: 1
Seasons with an ERA below 3: 2

Johan Santana (7 seasons)
Seasons with an ERA over 4: 0
Seasons with an ERA below 3: 5

So while Sabathia is an impressive pitcher, he does not fit the mold of those who were considered the best of their era I don't think. However, Wang, Joba, Sabathia, that is pretty dangerous and should be interesting.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

A juxtaposition of our obsessions

Our obsession with political correctness in the country has continued, the latest victim, Sean Avery of the Dallas Stars. I could care less about Avery or the NHL in general, but there seems to be conflicting obsessions in this country. Clearly to me, there is an obsession with appearing morally superior to your peers, and there is a contrasting obsession with athletes and entertainers who bend the rules and push the boundaries of what is socially and morally acceptable. 

I feel like most people use language equivalent to Sean Avery's in every day life. This is not going to disappear. I remember being 8 or 9 years old, dishing out insults on the playground and getting them right back. That is the way life is. Most people are ok with that, and learn to roll with the punches. What is really bizarre to me however, is when a high profile situation like Avery's occurs in the media, the same people who you talk to and joke around with every day take the moral high ground. Why? In Avery's case, he has a history of saying things he was told not to by his employers, so maybe a suspension is warranted. But moral outrage? You hear crude comments day in and day out, but for some reason when it is said on television by a guy who smashes other men against plexi glass for a living, then it is outrageous and unacceptable. 

What is also upsetting to me is that the owners know what they are buying when they buy it. Over the past decade in sports, all popular American sports have tightened their disciplinary measures publicly. This is a nice public relations move, but there is no doubt in my mind that the athletes they love most are the problematic athletes. The owners and the public love the problem child. Almost everyone I have talked to over the past few years has told me they hate Barry Bonds. Oh yea? I find that kind of funny when you look on tv and see stadiums that are not normally sold out, loaded with people to see Barry Bonds hit Homeruns. I don't think that people genuinely love Barry Bonds, but they love to hate him. He is like the villain you hate in a comic book. He might be a cheater and a jerk, but he is a fun to watch cheater and jerk. People also talk about Terrell Owens as if he is some awful human. People call him a jerk and a cancer to his teams. But I can't count how many times over the past 5 years I have heard, "Did you see what TO did?" or "Did you hear what TO said?" We are obsessed with the problem child and the gossip that goes along with it, but outraged when they cross the invisible line of offensiveness. 

For some reason we hold sports organizations to a level of class and dignity publicly that we do not exercise in our own lives. We have to shield children from what they will certainly experience throughout their own lives countless times. We consider athletes role models even though they are paid to brutally hit their peers and win games. The truth of the matter is, children are more likely to emulate what they see on the field than what is seen during the pregame, and if you are going to complain about something maybe you should start there (though I see no reason to complain in general). I think people should think about their own ethics and morals, take a good look in the mirror, and if they still feel Sean Avery was wrong then so be it. 

Thursday, December 4, 2008

For the Tom Brady Haters

I Couldn't agree more. I have always hated Tom Brady, and outside of his one amazing year last year, he is a product of the system. 

What old person would report this?

These two girls apparently molested old men in a nursing home. I know this has probably been said, but...

1) Who are the guys who reported this, it is probably every dying old man's fantasy.
2) If you can find the details of the case (the linked article is really vague) they are hilarious, and went as far as pretending to smother the old people.
3) Out of all the stories, the news should be editorializing here. How are they reporting this so matter of factly 

You have to check out this site

It is a real howl. 

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Knicks game last night...other BBall news

I went to the Knicks game last night with my good friend Ryan. They played the Blazers who are a very good team and predictably lost. They did a good job though, and I continue to be hopeful that they have turned a corner and will continue to have exciting games. 

What was more interesting than the game itself was the  halftime entertainment, and timeout hijinx. During halftime they had some bizarre talent competition between 3 teenage girls. The first girl was completely awful and sang "Sk8r Boi" by Avril Lavigne. At this point I thought they were just randomly picked from the audience because no one could be this bad. Turns out I was wrong, so I have two theories. Either this girl's family is deaf or she is an orphan with no friends, so no one has loved her enough to tell her she was awful. The other two girls were good I guess considering they were performing what amounted to Karaoke in Madison Square Garden, and it beat out the Romanian gymnast from last Knicks game I went to in the bizarre halftime show category. We then had to vote for our favorite by applause. Before presenting the awful girl, they prefaced the voting with "Remember, we do not boo our children in MSG." Not a good idea reminding awful human beings that they have the ability to boo in life. What followed was complete silence from 80% of the arena (the people I like to refer to as the nice people) and boos from the other 20%. I felt bad for the girl, but hey, now she knows that no one loves her enough to tell her what she isn't good at. 

Besides the halftime show people were also randomly select for a game of "Around the World" for plane tickets, and a contest where two guys had to spin in a circle with their head on a baseball bat and then try to score first in opposite baskets. To me this just seems like a lawsuit in the making, but I guess after Isaiah's hijinx they probably have really good lawyers. Anyway so these two dopes in helmets spun around, and the heavier set gentleman fell down twice as if he was shot in the head by a sniper. This was funny because he was fat, and fat people falling is always hilarious. 

All in all it was a good night, spent mostly making fun of Greg Oden. We came up with an impression of what Greg Oden must sound like and now I refuse to actually listen to him speak because it will ruin my dream. We also called him Frankenstein several times and I felt as if the sneakers he was wearing were not even basketball sneakers. This may be the case since he was benched for the entire 4th quarter and scored 2 points. The only other notable event is that I learned Rudy Fernandez of the Blazers is from Spain. I learned this not over the PA but because of the giant crowd of Spanish psychopaths waving what had to be a 20 ft Spanish flag in the good seats below us. I thought I was at a world cup game. 

In other basketball news, the Houston Comets are being shutdown because no one cares about the WNBA

Vegeterians bug me

I want to start this out by saying when I use the word meat, I am referring to all types of meat, and not just beef. Most vegetarians are only vegetarians for two reasons, they think not eating meat is healthier, or they feel like it is an ethical pat on the back to not eat meat. Both reasons bug me equally. 

First let's start with meat not being healthy. This is something fat people came up with so they could try to bypass working out. Meat is an important part of our diet, otherwise we wouldn't have these sweet teeth to chew it with. The main offenders are men and women in their early to mid 20s. I assume low self esteem causes this, and what is even more irritating is having to listen to the people talk to you as if they are now dietitians who have it all figured out. Run a mile fatty you can (and probably should) eat meat. Honestly, if you are bypassing meat for entire days in order to count calories and not making it up with other forms of protein you probably have severe emotional issues that need to be checked out. There is nothing wrong with some muscle or fat, and personally I think vegetarians look ridiculously unhealthy and frail. 

Secondly, the idea that you are morally against eating meat is hugely hypocritical to me and this idea really makes me angry. If you are vegan, this isn't for you, you are a pretentious fuck, but whatever at least you went through with your ridiculous moral stand. People who are vegetarians, yet still eat dairy are the worst. Have you ever seen animal torture videos? Well I have. In college I had an insane Philosophy professor who forced us to watch slaughterhouse torture videos, and animals raised for dairy are tortured way worse than animals raised for slaughter. When an animal is slaughtered, often it is done in a very cruel way, but it is usually happens within a matter of seconds or minutes at worst. Animals that are raised for dairy are kept in some of the worst conditions I have ever seen. They are kept cramped up in pens where they attack each other their entire lives and live a completely torture filled life for years. How is it you are taking a moral stand and then you go and eat an egg laid by a chicken who had its eyes pecked out because it was in the same cage as 5 other chickens. I can go on about this forever, but I think my point is pretty to the point and logical. Your moral agenda is lame, if you need self importance have your mom tell you what a great person you are.  

Monday, December 1, 2008

New York, New York

The New York Giants are 11-1, and the Knicks are 6-6.

The New York Giants are defending Superbowl Champs, and the Knicks haven't been to the playoffs since 2003.

You wouldn't think these two teams would have anything in common besides New York, but they do. They both have annoying dead weight on their team that needs to be dealt with.

While the Giants are currently the most dominant team in football and have overcome his hijinx to stay this great, Plaxico Burress has to be nearing his end in New York. Plaxico is a great player, and works harder than almost anyone else on the Giants when he is on the field, but when he is off of the field he becomes borderline retarded. He has been fined over 30 times by the Giants and the latest incident takes the cake. I am ok with Plaxico shooting himself in the leg. I am even ok with Plaxico not registering the weapon in New York, and Plaxico not having a carrier license. What is borderline retarded is trying to cover it up, and the way he tried to cover it up. Plaxico shot himself and had the entire trip to the hospital to come up with a good excuse, and what he came up with was saying his name was Harris Smith and he was shot in an Applebees.

Has Plaxico seen himself??? It isn't like he is Hines Ward, he has a very noticeable physique and face. He looks like a 6'5 visitor from outer space. Even if somehow the workers at the hospital did not know him, didn't he think that maybe they would check to see if someone was actually shot at an Applebees? Why would he use Applebees as an alibi? Is there even and Applebees in New York City? There should be some law that gets you 15 years in prison for bad alibis. Wow, Plaxico is not a smart man.

Now onto Stephon Marbury. I really wanted to buy into the idea that Stephon Marbury was not to blame in the latest Knicks saga. I figured that D'antoni was being a dick and benching him and then pretending he gave Stephon a choice. Seems like Stephon was just being a baby again. I am sick at looking at him with his dumb bad attitude and stupid star tattoo. Calling yourself Starbury doesn't change the fact every team you have been on has been awful. I think it is pretty messed up and crazy that Marbury was not given a real shot to play, but can you blame D'antoni for wanting to win basketball games? If he couldn't win with Kevin Garnett, he isn't going to win with David Lee. No one is going to give a shit about Marbury when he is finally out of this league, and in his contract year when given the chance to play he turns his coach down. His excuse was that if D'antoni was a man he wouldn't have given him a choice. Way to make a stand dummy, I hope no one wants you in free agency. In Stephon's eyes he is a superstar, in the eyes of the league during hard financial times he is an aging scorer who has never won anything relevant. 

Both of these guys are running out of time in New York, and both of these guys are giant idiots. I can't wait until the headaches are gone. The culture of the Knicks especially is going through a big change, and once Stephon and Plaxico are gone both teams can concentrate completely on winning.